Chuck Norris Facts

( Here are some of my favorites, feel free to add!)

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. ---------- a BLUEBIRD CCFC

The last person who made eye contact with Chuck Norris was Stevie Wonder.

Chuck Norris played blackjack and had 21, he asked for another card - and still won.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 with 3 moves.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Jesus may have been able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has been to DFS when there wasnt a sale on

Chuck Norris doenst mow his lawn, he stands by his front door and dares it to grow

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

If it smells like chicken, tastes like chicken, and looks like chicken, but Chuck Norris says its beef, then its beef

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasnt plucked up the courage to tell him yet

Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas

Chuck Norris could win a fight between Batman and Spiderman

when alexander belle invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from chuck norris!

The Boy cried wolf and got ridiculed,
The boy cried wolf again and got eaten.
The wolf cried Chuck Norris and got roundhoused in The face,
The wolf didn't cry again, it didn't do anything again....

Chuck Norris once shot an aeroplane out of the sky by pointing at it and shouting "bang"

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Chuck Norris won x factor using only sign language
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

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Chuck Norris is anti-rebrand so be careful reds.

Chuck Norris finished the never ending story
Chuck Norris can say beetle juice 3 times

A man once touched Chuck Norris beard and broke every bone in his body

Chuck Norris once climbed Mt Everest by accident

If you see Chuck Norris coming at you from the T.V., it's not 3-D effects.


Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired

In 2003 Chuck Norris went on holiday to Iraq. Later the USA invaded the country blaming Iraq for having a weapon of mass destruction.


Chuck Norris can put the batteries in backwards and STILL make it work.

Chuck Norris can speak French in Russian.


Chuck Norris slapped the Headless Horseman.

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Steven Spielberg would have cast Chuck Norris in Jaws, but it would have been a 2 hour documentary about sushi.


If you had a near death experience with Chuck Norris, you did not actually meet Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.


Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.


Chuck Norris could win America's Got Talent simply by walking on the stage

When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."


Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.


Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.


Fire escapes were invented to protect fire from Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

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chuck norris knows sam is langston

chuck norris knows sam is langston

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