I Saw A

Sign today that made me piss myself
it said Toilet Closed

A mum was cleaning her son's bedroom & found bondage & fetish mags. She asks her husband what to do. He replies 'whatever u do don't f****n spank him!'

....No stepping on Sams toes now

a midget woman goes to the doctors and complains "i have a very itchy fanny". the doctor inspects and says,"It's the fur on top of your ugg boots!!"

I asked 500 women what sort of shampoo they used. 95% of the said "Get the f**k out of my shower!"

I walked into the police station and said, "Call off the search for my wife."

He asked, "So has she returned home then?"

"No, I don't miss her anymore."

Whats the difference between music and porn?


The volume.

‎2 old ladies sitting in church 1 leans over and whispers to the other "my butt is going to sleep" the other replies "I know I have heard it snore 3 times"

Some good ones there Darren