Joke

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks,
"Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Y-e-s" she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God - I thought you was sitting on the cat."

Sat by the motorway with my wrecked car, I thought my license was in danger until an old fashioned policeman appeared and put my mind at rest. "Okay sir, stay calm and in your own words. What speed were you doing in the fast lane when the Paki reversed into you?"

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks,
"Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Y-e-s" she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God - I thought you was sitting on the cat."

went to the doctor's the other day. to find out the new doctor was a young female, drop dead gorgeous!I was embarrassed but she said "Don't worry, I'm a profesional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and i'll help you in any way i can."I said "I think my cock tastes funny..."

A customer asks "In what aisle will I find Irish sausage?" The assistant asks "Why are you Irish?" Clearly offended, the man replies "Yes I am, but let me ask you something, if I had asked for bratwurst would you have asked me if I was German? Or if I'd asked for tacos would you have asked if I was Mexican?" "Probably not" says the assistant. "So why ask me if I'm Irish?" So the assistant says "Because your in Halfords sir"

Interesting Human Body Facts


- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.


*** You looked at your thumb... Didn't you?

Last night I woke up to the ghost of gloria gaynor, first I was afraid then I was petrified.

My uncle was a shit ventriloquist, he used to put his hand up my arse and tell me not to say anything!

I was having a lovely sleep earlier until some inconsiderate c**t decided to bounce off my windscreen.

Do you ever wonder where people got their surnames from?

Perhaps Mr Baker was a baker, Mr Butcher was a butcher and Mr Butler was a butler etc.

How very apt then that my name is Mr Dickinson!

Interesting Human Body Facts


- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.


*** You looked at your thumb... Didn't you?

b*stard yes i did But mine is only once

Interesting Human Body Facts


- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.


*** You looked at your thumb... Didn't you?

b*stard yes i did But mine is only once

i looked too!! twice!

What has Elton John & Richard Hammond (top gear) both have in common?

They've both had skid marks on their helmets.

Hopefully he will run for Prime Minister.
He appears to have what current politicians lack...

Prime Minister.jpg

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