Monday joke

I shoved some grapes up my girlfriend's bum during kinky sex last night. She didn't scream or anything, just let out a little wine.

After years of being a couple Mickey mouse decides to end his relationship with Minnie, Minnie starts to cry sobbing 'Are you f*cking crazy?' Mickey replies ' No I'm f*cking Daisy'.

red or white?

I walked into a florist after work today and said to the cashier, "I want to buy a bunch of flowers for my wife."She said, "What is it you are after?""Some sex" I replied.

im not in the mood for jokes

I was so disappointed when my friend set me up on a blind date with a girl who was obsessed with flash gordons arch enemy. She was a real minger!!

John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012.
So he's free to lead his country into Poland.

Just like his hero did.



Billy: "Mum, I've got the biggest cock at nursery school, is that because I'm a big boy?"

Mum: "No, it's because you're 28 and retarded. Now watch before you slabber your spaghetti down your new Celtic top."