jokes

Daughter calls her Mother, "Mum, I'm getting a divorce.", "A divorce? Why?" the mother asks, shocked. "Mum, all he wants is anal sex, I used to have a lovely little arsehole the size of a 5p piece. Now it's the size of a 50p piece". The mother replies, "Sweetie, you
have a lovely Porsche, a platinum credit card, a villa in Barcelona, kids in private school, and 6 holidays a year. Do you really want to give all that up for the sake of 45p?"




My uncle always turned off all the lights and unplugged all the plugs whenever he finished work. He always believed in saving energy. I think thats why he lost his job at Air Traffic Control!

Since when have you become the comedian mate

Since when have you become the comedian mate

i must admit other people do help me out i'm just sharing them really

I woke up this morning and said to my girlfriend "Our relationship is like Valentines Day".

She smiled and said "Full of surprises and centred around love".

I said " it's over....."

A teacher asks the class to find out what their mothers do.
Little Johnny goes home, his mum isn't in so he asks his dad.

The next day the teacher asks little Johnny what his mum does.
He replied, "What she's f*cking told."....

I woke up this morning and said to my girlfriend "Our relationship is like Valentines Day".

She smiled and said "Full of surprises and centred around love".

I said " it's over....."

How are you mate ?

A teacher asks the class to find out what their mothers do.
Little Johnny goes home, his mum isn't in so he asks his dad.

The next day the teacher asks little Johnny what his mum does.
He replied, "What she's f*cking told."....

I woke up this morning and said to my girlfriend "Our relationship is like Valentines Day".

She smiled and said "Full of surprises and centred around love".

I said " it's over....."

How are you mate ?

Sound Lee, can't wait to come back,another 2 weeks to go!

I woke up this morning and said to my girlfriend "Our relationship is like Valentines Day".

She smiled and said "Full of surprises and centred around love".

I said " it's over....."

How are you mate ?

Sound Lee, can't wait to come back,another 2 weeks to go!

Look forward to seeing you mate, I'm off to Vegas this friday with Wes and a few others, Be back the following thursday mate.See you soon.

SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bomber did tell me earlier ....be glad to see you back ...................

I woke up this morning and said to my girlfriend "Our relationship is like Valentines Day".

She smiled and said "Full of surprises and centred around love".

I said " it's over....."

How are you mate ?

Sound Lee, can't wait to come back,another 2 weeks to go!

Look forward to seeing you mate, I'm off to Vegas this friday with Wes and a few others, Be back the following thursday mate.See you soon.

Don't forget your wallet!

I woke up this morning and said to my girlfriend "Our relationship is like Valentines Day".

She smiled and said "Full of surprises and centred around love".

I said " it's over....."

How are you mate ?

Sound Lee, can't wait to come back,another 2 weeks to go!

Look forward to seeing you mate, I'm off to Vegas this friday with Wes and a few others, Be back the following thursday mate.See you soon.

Don't forget your wallet!

I wont i will have to look after Wes, Hope he behaves himself