JOKE SUNDAY

Why are women's crabs for dangerous than men's?

Because they're all on the crack.

At the old peoples home:
Mrs. Smith asks Mr. Jones if she can hold his penis whilst watching the evening film.
"Sorry, " he says "but Mrs. White will be doing that."
Mrs. Smith is disappointed and wants to know what Mrs. White has got that she hasn't.
"Parkinsons" he replies.

A women enters an ice cream parlour and says to the clerk I'll have some chocolate ice cream please, the clerk replies sorry were out of chocolate ice cream, the women replies oh in that case I'll have the chocolate please! The clerk thought she didn't hear him correctly and says sorry we're out of chocolate ma'am. The women says in that case I'll have the chocolate then! The clerk being really annoyed says spell VAN! As in the vanilla! The women goes V-A-N. now spell STRAW as in strawberry! The women replies S-T-R-A-W. now spell f**k as in chocolate! Looking a bit puzzled the women replies there is no f**k in chocolate? The clerk replies THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!

I was arrested for being drunk and disorderly last night. As they put me into the cells, I started to kick off.

"I'm allowed a free call. I want my call." I slurred.
"Quiet you." called the duty sergeant. "All in good time."
"I know my rights, I want my call. You can't stop me." I continued, more loudly.
"Keep it down or there will be trouble." retorted the sergeant, getting annoyed.
"Are you denying me my rights? I'll have your name and number. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. I want my call!"
"All right! All right! You can have your call."

"Finally!" I smiled, took a deep breath and yelled, "TWO FAT LADIES! EIGHTY-EIGHT!"