JOKE THURSDAY

I walked into an offy in Glasgow and grabbed 5 cans of lager i walked up to the counter and put them down, the woman behind the counter said "its sex for a fiver"

i said no ta just the beer please love.

My girlfriend came and sat next to me on the sofa with a sad look on her face;

"Cheer up" I said,

"Oh I'm ok" she sighed "just a bit sad"

"You're fab" I said,

"Thanks" she said,

"You're mine" I said,

"I know silly!" she chuckled,

"I love you" I said,

"Aww!" she gushed "That's so lovely!"

"Marry me" I said,

She squealed with joy and stood up and started clapping like a seal, "Yes!" she bellowed "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I looked up at her and said "Yes what?"

"Yes I will marry you!" she beamed,

"f**k off!" I said "Here, have a Love Heart".

19 Paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks “Why so many of you?”.
Mick replies, “The film said 18 or over.”

Woman sees sign in pet shop window -FANNY LICKING FROG £25.
Intrigued, in she goes."I'd like to see the fanny licking frog please".
The bloke behind the counter says; "BONJOUR"

Woman sees sign in pet shop window -FANNY LICKING FROG £25.
Intrigued, in she goes."I'd like to see the fanny licking frog please".
The bloke behind the counter says; "BONJOUR"

The police came to my house today and said, "We're arresting you for the theft of council paving stones.""What makes you think I stole them?" I replied."Well that new path you've just built," Said the officer, "All the paving stones have got the council emblem on them."It was concrete evidence.

Tampons for £1No Strings attached but for a limited period only!A bloody good deal!

My wife said she is leaving me because I always relate everything to BatmanWhat a joker.