My history with the illness of depression

Sorry to har that MG

whether a man is a road sweeper on £5 an hour, or a professional footballer on 100k everyone still has the same mind and demons. I heard some c**t on the radio earlier saying how can someone be in that frame of mind when they have the job and ajelation (spellling) that speed had. I WANTED TO RIP MY f*cking RADIO OUT OF MY CAR

I had a relatioship with a girl who suffered from depression. It was the most dramatic time of my life without doubt. I should have walked away from it all at the start but it had an attraction for being different is the best way I can describe it.

Eventually I walked away a nervious wreck myself and took a long break from going with someone else.

These people suffering from depression need serious help.

Sorry to har that MG

whether a man is a road sweeper on £5 an hour, or a professional footballer on 100k everyone still has the same mind and demons. I heard some c**t on the radio earlier saying how can someone be in that frame of mind when they have the job and ajelation (spellling) that speed had. I WANTED TO RIP MY f*cking RADIO OUT OF MY CAR

Remember Mark Bosnich. While at Chelsea he claimed to have suffered from medical depression. Alan Mullery, a pundit then, said it was a load of bollocks because he himself suffered from that so knew about it and claimed that someone on £40,000 pw cannot suffer with it.

It left me confused.

I had a relatioship with a girl who suffered from depression. It was the most dramatic time of my life without doubt. I should have walked away from it all at the start but it had an attraction for being different is the best way I can describe it.

Eventually I walked away a nervious wreck myself and took a long break from going with someone else.

These people suffering from depression need serious help.

Thats why it was Valentines Day mate as my mum walked away from him because of similar reasons. I lived with my mum but the day he went into a coma was a day which he was looking after me.

Totally understand.

Sorry to hear that MG. But it must be bad for someone to commit suicide knowing it would rip the heart out of your Kids. God knows the torment he was going through. Was it the end of his playing career that caused this ?. To have a stunning Wife lovely Kids, Money in the Bank' and a Job to only wish for. Those demons must of been massive. Thoughts go out to his Family and those poor Kids. RIP Gary

Was thinking only an hour ago that one of the small pieces of good from this horrid tragedy is that this issue will be more wide spread. Groups like The Samaritans that do fantastic work will get a 'bump' similar to how women got tested for cervical cancer after her death and help more people.

Mental illness is horrible, it's stigma is horrible, if someone has a heart that has problems, no one blames the person, but if they are mentally ill it's still (to an extent) viewed as their fault.

Sorry to hear MG

Mental illnesses are swept under the carpet because they can't be put into a category. I have close friends who suffered and although (thankfully) haven't taken there life it's a real issue that needs real attention.

My opinion is it takes a man to talk about it and not bottle it up. Easier said than done of course but along with racism, homophobic, sexiest, any kind of bullying remember eveyone is a human that deserves to live a life as they were born.

Yesterday’s tragic news just shocked me so much and I still cannot believe or even begin to understand the state of mind that someone must be in to take one’s own life.
So tragic.

Having seen my father more or less commit suicide at the age of 5 through depression I really hope the truth about the passing of Gary Speed does come out in order to help other victims of the slient illness.

My dad passed away on Valentines day 1984 and it has effected me at different stages of my life. My family always had the 'stiff upper lip' mentality however now we know that it doesn't work for everyone and especially for a 5 year old who witnessed his father going into a coma while watching the first football match on TV that I can ever remember.

Whatever the truth is about this mornings awful event I do hope for the sake of other victims of depression that this finally helps to finally break down barriers of such a tabboo subject.

RIP Speedo

Believe me I'm not trying to be funny MG I'm just interested.

You seem a very strong minded individual indeed you don't half take some stick but always bounce back and TBH I have thought on many occasion before now that if I had taken the same stick I might have walked away from the MB.

So do you think that strong will has its roots in the tragedy you suffered as a child?

I had a terrible childhood and it has affected me to this day and like you it was due to my father being a coward. That has shaped me as I have always done everything I could be the total opposite.

Whether that was a good thing or not is open to debate, but personally I find it very comforting. Do you feel the same?

Tony, while i sympathise with MG for having to go through that as a child, that is not the reason he gets shit on here. the reason he gets shit on here is cos he acts like a tit

Even I had times in which I was sad, I understand why one would kill himself but to avoid the temptation, I followed religion and had support from my mates.

I suffered with Clincal Depression myself about 10 years ago, it is the most debilitating illness i can think of, it really affects all aspects of your life. Thankfully i got better with Anti- depressants and a determination to get better. I know this may sound mad to say but after suffering with this illness it has made me a better person and i really enjoy life these day

I to have gone through the same thing 3.5 years ago. Unfortunately i was the person who found my dad. some people will say it is selfish (which i probably did 4 years ago) but life isnt that simple. Worse thing is the questions of why will probably never be answered. RIP Gary Speed. Welsh Legend

I went through a massive period of depression in late 90s caused by work problems. It was all I could to get out of bed in the morning. Driving to work i wanted to smash my car into a brick wall. I was eventually signed off work and was on the so called happy pills. Fortunately my wife and young baby helped me get through it.

Every now and then it does come back. Fortunately my Mrs and 4 kids help me get through it without the need for medication/time off.

I hate myself for being like it. Most of the time I see myself as Gareth who likes a beer,a laugh and who loves my family and CCFC. Sometimes though i get days when life is barely worth living. Wish that i could be the laughing Gareth all the time.

sorry to hear that MG

i went through a small period of mild deperssion when i was 14/15 after my nan passed, it was like lost everything cause she was only the person i was actually close with, i wouldn't go to school or do anything. When the therapist said i had it, my closest friend i had at the time actually became like a brother to me (so to speak) and helped me through it and then I took up playing bass guitar and have been loving life since but like Wilts it will come back but for me in very short bursts if you get what i mean and it's just horrible. It shouldn't be swept under the rug it's a serious illness at the end of the day.

Having seen my father more or less commit suicide at the age of 5 through depression I really hope the truth about the passing of Gary Speed does come out in order to help other victims of the slient illness.

My dad passed away on Valentines day 1984 and it has effected me at different stages of my life. My family always had the 'stiff upper lip' mentality however now we know that it doesn't work for everyone and especially for a 5 year old who witnessed his father going into a coma while watching the first football match on TV that I can ever remember.

Whatever the truth is about this mornings awful event I do hope for the sake of other victims of depression that this finally helps to finally break down barriers of such a tabboo subject.

RIP Speedo

Believe me I'm not trying to be funny MG I'm just interested.

You seem a very strong minded individual indeed you don't half take some stick but always bounce back and TBH I have thought on many occasion before now that if I had taken the same stick I might have walked away from the MB.

So do you think that strong will has its roots in the tragedy you suffered as a child?

I had a terrible childhood and it has affected me to this day and like you it was due to my father being a coward. That has shaped me as I have always done everything I could be the total opposite.

Whether that was a good thing or not is open to debate, but personally I find it very comforting. Do you feel the same?

As many know I have been adopted and by the time I was 9 years old I had in total 3 mums and 4 dads if you include my birth parents, foster parents and adopted mum, adopted dad who passed away and my adopted mums second husband who then adopted me in 1987. Together with the issue of my dads death at such a young age I must be honest at times maybe getting crap of people both on here or out on the street it gives me the injection of rejection which I sometimes need I suppose.

Hand on heart Ive never spoken about it before like this and am only doing it now because of yesterdays sad event and I find it easier to write it down I guess.

very admirable to open up these things that happen that shape your life. what i get from what you've both wrote is positive rather than negative. many of us have had rejection experiences in childhood etc and i -like you to am constantly battling to be better and achieve and at times fight confidence issues/anxiety. as we get holder we get more knocks and get on the ropes and can be nearly at the 10 count but we get back on our feet. life is short so we must try to give it a go. dont think what if's - live a full one.
thank you all for writing this thread - many men will not fancy this thread or believe mental illness or having certain issues is a weakness - which is so wrong. ive used my knocks to make me better - i pray for speedos kids and hope this terrible thing can help many people.

sorry bout the lower case - got my new 5 week old on my lap

I have sufferd from depression also, well i wasnt diagnosed with it but i was very very low at one point, was probably the worst point in my life so far, thinking terrible thoughts, dont want to feel like that again, horrible.

Having seen my father more or less commit suicide at the age of 5 through depression I really hope the truth about the passing of Gary Speed does come out in order to help other victims of the slient illness.

My dad passed away on Valentines day 1984 and it has effected me at different stages of my life. My family always had the 'stiff upper lip' mentality however now we know that it doesn't work for everyone and especially for a 5 year old who witnessed his father going into a coma while watching the first football match on TV that I can ever remember.

Whatever the truth is about this mornings awful event I do hope for the sake of other victims of depression that this finally helps to finally break down barriers of such a tabboo subject.

RIP Speedo

Believe me I'm not trying to be funny MG I'm just interested.

You seem a very strong minded individual indeed you don't half take some stick but always bounce back and TBH I have thought on many occasion before now that if I had taken the same stick I might have walked away from the MB.

So do you think that strong will has its roots in the tragedy you suffered as a child?

I had a terrible childhood and it has affected me to this day and like you it was due to my father being a coward. That has shaped me as I have always done everything I could be the total opposite.

Whether that was a good thing or not is open to debate, but personally I find it very comforting. Do you feel the same?

As many know I have been adopted and by the time I was 9 years old I had in total 3 mums and 4 dads if you include my birth parents, foster parents and adopted mum, adopted dad who passed away and my adopted mums second husband who then adopted me in 1987. Together with the issue of my dads death at such a young age I must be honest at times maybe getting crap of people both on here or out on the street it gives me the injection of rejection which I sometimes need I suppose.

Hand on heart Ive never spoken about it before like this and am only doing it now because of yesterdays sad event and I find it easier to write it down I guess.

Thank-you for answering MG and it appears you had a very disruptive childhood even if you might have been close to adopted/foster parents. I can fully understand the rejection injection being a spur and it is amazingly honest of you to admit that but that kind of thing can also be a great strength.

I've been lucky in my life in that I have never really suffered with depression in the way you have because I have a great bounce back-ability gene which has always looked after me.

That said if there is one thing that has driven me to distraction, its Cardiff City

Honestly the way I feel after we lose is incredible and it is the only real thing in life that really gets to me.

Amazing words. "gives me the injection of rejection which I sometimes need". That line sums up perfectly what I am like at times. The mind is such a complex thing, but midfield generals words just show you can understand your pysche and instead of being scared of your mind and the feelings it produces, embrace it, accept it and it will ease things. Sounds like mumbo jumbo but hopefully someone gets my point.

My grand dad had depression, but such was the lack of knowledge he didn't think he had it. He thought it would be an obvious thing if you had it, hence the saying 'invisible disease'. Only when he broke down in the house when my mum was younger did he then realise after being diagnosed. Sadly, him knowing he had a problem led to his downfall, he was a proud man and felt it was his fault and got very embarrassed....at least when he thought he was normal he was a lot more together, even if his mind was probably torturing him.

R.I.P

I would like to thank each and every one of you.

You have helped me immensely.

Thank you , I won't know you but I'll see you Tuesday

The NHS has a page with Symtoms of depression, if it could help anybody i have posted a link below.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

This is a great topic. I was once in a bad way with depression, i felt i was unimportant and was at my lowerest point ever. All i wanted was the feeling of being important to people. Then suddenly out of the blue i heard a song lyric that changed my life completely, the lyrics to a Scooter song believe it or not - "It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice". What great words!! From that point on i've never looked back.

Respect to you lot for coming out with your memories of such dark times

Having seen my father more or less commit suicide at the age of 5 through depression I really hope the truth about the passing of Gary Speed does come out in order to help other victims of the slient illness.

My dad passed away on Valentines day 1984 and it has effected me at different stages of my life. My family always had the 'stiff upper lip' mentality however now we know that it doesn't work for everyone and especially for a 5 year old who witnessed his father going into a coma while watching the first football match on TV that I can ever remember.

Whatever the truth is about this mornings awful event I do hope for the sake of other victims of depression that this finally helps to finally break down barriers of such a tabboo subject.

RIP Speedo

Poignant, my friend....a sad story and I feel for you

RIP 'Speedo' indeed