Joke Thursday

These Korean meatballs really are the dogs bollocks.

I knew it was time to go on a diet when, during sex, the woman I was with started playing with my tits

I'm standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is standing by the side of me.
So I asked him, "do you know martial arts? like Kung Fu and ju-jitso?..."

He replied, "why the f**k you ask me that.. Is it because I'm Chinese?"

I said, "no it's because you're drinking my fuckin' pint you little c**t!"

I'm standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is standing by the side of me.
So I asked him, "do you know martial arts? like Kung Fu and ju-jitso?..."

He replied, "why the f**k you ask me that.. Is it because I'm Chinese?"

I said, "no it's because you're drinking my fuckin' pint you little c**t!"

love this one

A team are losing a football match when they bring on a sub, who happens to be a Duck. The Duck is amazing. He dribbles around everybody, scores goals for fun and is absolutely brilliant. The referee says to him "I have never seen anything like it. You are brilliant, the best footballer I have ever seen in 30 years. What do you do for a living?" The Duck says "I am a Solicitor". At this, the ref produces a red card and sends him off. The Duck says "What have you sent me off for?" The referee says "A Professional Fowl"

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.

The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

i love it when the wife puts on her nurses uniform......it means the fat cows on her way to work

To all those women who watch the football and shout "pass it to Frank" or "bring Joe Cole on;" f**k off. You didn't see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting "f**k her up the arse."

father o'connor keeps chickens behind the church in a coop
1 sunday he goes to feed them and finds the cock is missing
he knows theres cock fighting in the village so at mass
he questions the congregation.........
"has anybody got a cock?" he asked..all the men stood up
"no no i meant has anybody seen a cock?" all the women stand up
"no no thats not what i meant either, has anybody seen my cock?"...........

2 priests and 16 altar boys stand up.................

father o'connor keeps chickens behind the church in a coop
1 sunday he goes to feed them and finds the cock is missing
he knows theres cock fighting in the village so at mass
he questions the congregation.........
"has anybody got a cock?" he asked..all the men stood up
"no no i meant has anybody seen a cock?" all the women stand up
"no no thats not what i meant either, has anybody seen my cock?"...........

2 priests and 16 altar boys stand up.................

father o'connor keeps chickens behind the church in a coop
1 sunday he goes to feed them and finds the cock is missing
he knows theres cock fighting in the village so at mass
he questions the congregation.........
"has anybody got a cock?" he asked..all the men stood up
"no no i meant has anybody seen a cock?" all the women stand up
"no no thats not what i meant either, has anybody seen my cock?"...........

2 priests and 16 altar boys stand up.................

Brilliant

class

posted 07 October, 2011 12:33                       
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.
Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. "Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"