A DUCK WALK'S IN TO!!!

A bar..........

"Got any bread?"

Barman say's "No!"

"Got any bread?"

"No!"

"Got any bread?"

"No!"

"Got any bread?"

"No.we haven't got any bread,ask me again and i'll nail your fookin beak to the bar you irritating little b*stard!"

"Got any nail's?"

"No!"

"Got any bread?"

...keep them coming

BUT STILL

Son say's to father,"Dad im gay!" Dad say's to other son "What about you?" Son replies "Im gay too dad!" Dad shout's out "Fook me doe'snt anyone in this family like fanny?" Daughter say's "I do!"

Quazimodo goe's into an Asian brothel!He ask's "How much for a shag?" woman say's" £12.50" ,He replies "I have only got a tenner!"She tells him to fook off!so he goe's to a white brothel and it's £10 so he doe's the deed!
10 years later he bumps into a kid with a hump.Kid say's "Your my dad and it's all your fault i have a hump!" Quazy say's "Count youRself lucky,if i had another £2.50 you'd be afookin paki...."

My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting dressed to go out when finally she swung open the door and asked "tell me honestly, do i look fat in this?". I replied "yes love, but to be fair, its a small bathroom"

A fat lass walks by a pet shop and a parrot shouts "Oi you." She says "What?"
The parrot shouts "Yer a fat b*stard!" She storms away raging. The next day it happens again so she goes in and tells the owner if it happens again she's telling the Police.
So the next morning she swaggers by and the parrot shouts "Oi you!" She says "What?" The parrot shouts "You f*cking know what!"