Dirty Joke

How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?

When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you up the arse with her Clitoris.

Have a better one

The man fell in the mud

What do you call an afghan virgin
Mever bin laid on

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?


A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A lickalotopis

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"

Which of the following doesn't belong?

(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) blow job

(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat,
your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is
using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he
finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's Dick".
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the
line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the
racquet out of your mouth."

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her
grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on
Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She
paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice
cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

thats brightened me up