JOKE SUNDAY

The girlfriend said she was just off to have a vajazzle.


"What's a vajazzle?" I asked.


"It's where they put sequins all over a c**t", she replied.


"So, you're going to be on Strictly Come Dancing?!"

A Farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and it's stuck under the tractor still alive.... shoot it says the farmer, and then bury him... About 20min later he gets another phone call... Done that, what should i do with his f*cking speed camera and bike?!!

..keep them coming lads.


A sexy young girl approached me in the club last night.

"Wanna buy me a few drinks?" she whispered with a wink.

"Of course," I burst out, shooting to the bar.

After she had drunk 5 vodkas within 10 minutes, I gave her a nudge.

"I bet you're the type of girl that uses men to get drunk and gives nothing in return, aren't you?" I asked.

"You've got me all figured out," she smirked.

"Well not tonight!" I replied, waving an empty Rohypnol box in her face.

What big and black and bumps into the dining room table





Jordans son Harvey



This wont stay on for long

Bear Ghrylls...


Sounds like something you would buy in the Bejing branch of Farmfoods

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

Thats you fucked then Chief

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

Thats you fucked then Chief

I'm gutted Chief......Now they have to use and know the meaning of NO!!

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

Thats you fucked then Chief

I'm gutted Chief......Now they have to use and know the meaning of NO!!

Chief that wasn't even a joke ...........That was a true statement

im just back from the Amazon . I purchased a gobbling bull frog whilst there, gives the most amazing blow job.
when i got home i gave it to the wife she said what the fug do i want this for,
i said teach it to cook and then u can f''k off

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

An old man and an old woman sit in the park everyday.They're to old to have sex,so she just holds his cock for a hour or so......This happens every day,till one day he's not there. She goes to look for him,and there he is,on another bench with another woman holding his cock.She gets very jealous and ask's "What the f**k's she got that i have'nt?" He replies,"Parkinson's Disease!"

After having the 8-2 jokes 4-3 weeks arsenal have.turned in 2-1 big joke

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."