Wednesday Humour

I am no longer able to see my wife and children, And its all done to my Gambling Habbits.

I won £5m and moved abroad .....

I rang in sick last week and my Boss picked up the phone.

I said "I wont be in today, Im sick"

He said "How sick"?

I said "Very sick"

He said "What do you mean sick though, explain"?

I said "Really sick, I'm in bed with my Dad"!!

My wife's been missing for a week,
Police told me to prepare for the worst,
So been back down to the charity shop to get her clothes back.

I was clearing out my late German Grandfather's closet and decided to give all his old clothes to the local charity shop.

I handed over the bag of clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it when a horrified expression formed on her face.

"How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop" she exclaimed angrily. "This is a symbol of pain, shame and humiliation."

Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the bag.

"I'm truly sorry" I said. "I had no idea he was an Swansea fan."

Paddy's mrs asked him for a rape alarm. The next morning whilst his wife was sleeping paddy put his hand over her mouth, grabbed her arms and shagged her up the arse..... And said "time to get up love!"

The plan to get my dog to swallow my semen is coming on a treat.

The plan to get my dog to swallow my semen is coming on a treat.

I'm going to appeal against my latest red card I received during my latest reserves game,
I was the last defender, and I took out emile heskey as he ran through on goal

The referee said it was a clear goalscoring chance

Surely not.