MY DAUGHTER ASKED!!!!

"I hope you're going to shave off that stupid moustache before we go on holiday? It's embarressing." I was stunned.Bravest thing i've ever heard anyone say to the wife!

A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing."
Wife says, "I dont want to go."
Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the arse.
Wife picked blow job.
After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like shit."
Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either.".

My wife's sister sat on my glasses and broke them earlier.I was really pissed of..... Then i thought "To be fair,it was my fault for leaving them on!"

After being in a sexless marriage for nearly 10 years, I finally made the decision to get a pocketpussy. I was shocked; f*cking it actually feels pretty good!

Unfortunately it died after a few uses, so I think I'll go back to my neighbour and see if she has any more kittens for sale.

( joke from a swansea fan) During sex last night my partner whispered in my ear, "pretend you're my dad." I was furious. "You are one sick minded girl, what a disgusting thing to ask me." I stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door. I mean, you don't expect shit like that from your sister, do you?

My wife just been offered a job at a pharmaceutical company.

"They offered me a job in either heart disease or premature ejaculation," she said, "I chose premature ejaculation."

"Why," I said.

"Because neither of us has suffered from heart disease, have we?" she said.

Bitch.

:lol:

A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing."
Wife says, "I dont want to go."
Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the arse.
Wife picked blow job.
After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like shit."
Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either.".

Pure filth - did tickle me though