best man speech

im best man for my brothers wedding anyone got any advice or good gags / jokes to use for the speech. ive got a few but have come to a dead end.

*i have asked the moderators to delete this thread so my brother doesnt see so dont complain if ur post number goes down*

I shall PM you

Just remember funny moments involving each other. No matter how humiliating it is.

My advice is pull him to one side (after stag weekend) and do your best to persuade him not to go through with it

You can say this, That I remember when my brother first come to me and told me he had sex for the very first time, I ask him ,what was it like ? he look at me and said he was really really scared, I ask him why ? he said cos he was all on his own

Do the story of how he met her when she was working in a pet shop, and he fancied his chances as he knew she could handle a cockatoo.

Get rattled and talk shit.

I've done it twice and preparing for my third later in the year(available at competitive rates ),

Just don't set fire to big cards on the candles. Just glad everyone else thought I meant it!!!!

That and Zabier's advice for def.

There are some good books in library or ebay on best man speeches , some great one liners

Keep it short-no more than 5 minutes. A few cheesy jokes, a few crap photos and a toast. Dont start though with "It's been an emotional day. Even the cakes in tiers...."

I used this on the wife on our big day.................................but u can use it on your m8.

Within the speech (as your reading it from your notes)

Say summit like "I`ve known him for years, he`s the best mate anyone would want etc etc"......

And then say "He`s a great friend, intelligent, good looking lad, a real gentleman, but I cant read all of his best points cos I cant understand his handwriting" (while looking at your notes) LOL

That should get a laugh

I used this on the wife on our big day.................................but u can use it on your m8.

Within the speech (as your reading it from your notes)

Say summit like "I`ve known him for years, he`s the best mate anyone would want etc etc"......

And then say "He`s a great friend, intelligent, good looking lad, a real gentleman, but I cant read all of his best points cos I cant understand his handwriting" (while looking at your notes) LOL

That should get a laugh

i done mo jo's wedding ..... opened up with " i had a few lines but i bumped into Koumo in the toilet and he snorted them"

Wasnt the best start especially for the other half of the room!

I used this one at when i was best man a few years ago

"I was a bit nervous about being the best man today, but Paul being the good friend that he is took me to once side and said to me, if i did a good job today then i could be the best man at his next wedding"

you could start off by saying please forgive me for being a bit nervous but the last time i was stood in front of so many people like this i got a 6 month suspended sentence and a £350.00 fine

My brother said this at my wedding and afterwards my mother went apeshit with him.

He told me to remember marriage is a bit like a game of football but a game of football with only 3 rules;

After today away games are strictly prohibited
Always remember you are not allowed to try the tackle from behind
And if your coming to the end of the game and you don't think your going to get the right result you could always try going down in the box.