*JOKE THREAD 14TH FEBRUARY 2011*

GO..

Swansea

Swansea

My missus said she wanted a romantic night in this Valentine's watching Rom-coms.
Me being the ever romantic I lit a candle and fucked off down the pub.

Today my flat mate accused me of stealing her knickers off the washing line.

Cheeky bitch...What would I want with her knickers off the washing line?

It's the soiled ones I'm interested in.

I sent my wife Katie a Valentines Day card. It read;

"To my Katty,
I want to fill you in the way you filled my soul."

f*cking Moonpig, they got the K's and the F's mixed up.

a horse walks in to a bar,,, treble whiskey please barman,,, tough day eh, said the barman, yeah replied the horse, 2 of my mates got electrocuted today

How would you describe the difference between Love and True Love?

Spitting and Swallowing

I bought my Missus a new bag and belt for Valentines Day but I don't know why I bothered.

I thought at the very least she'd be happy the vacuum cleaner was working better.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm using my hand,
But I'm thinking of you.

today, when most men are balls deep inside their girlfriends, spare a thought for every lad with the wrong time of the month..

today, when most men are balls deep inside their girlfriends, spare a thought for every lad with the wrong time of the month..

My favourite time of month! You know what they say "if the reds blocking the pink, screw back for the brown!". Nothing like a good anal intrusion to show how much you love it! I mean her

today, when most men are balls deep inside their girlfriends, spare a thought for every lad with the wrong time of the month..

My favourite time of month! You know what they say "if the reds blocking the pink, screw back for the brown!". Nothing like a good anal intrusion to show how much you love it! I mean her

Brilliant

Roses are Red
Violets are Twisted
Open your legs
Your about to get FISTED

Wales are red
Cardiff are blue
Got both them
So I don't need you

How would you describe the difference between Love and True Love?

Spitting and Swallowing

Love bites on the haemorrhoids?

today, when most men are balls deep inside their girlfriends, spare a thought for every lad with the wrong time of the month..

My favourite time of month! You know what they say "if the reds blocking the pink, screw back for the brown!". Nothing like a good anal intrusion to show how much you love it! I mean her

Why did God invent yeast infections?

So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating c**t!

If Jimmy has to have 14 shirts ironed by 4:30, and it is 3:00 now, and only 1 shirt can be ironed every 10 minutes:

How hard does Jimmy need to beat his wife to get the ironing finished on time?

Life with my blind girlfriend has been hard work since her guide dog died.
I've had to show her the door.

A Valentines Day Card fell onto my door mat this morning.I put it straight in the bin because I knew exactly who it was from.it was my postman, I saw him walking up the driveway, the f*cking queer c**t

Aye Aye Sailor.
An old retired Sailor puts on his old uniform and heads to the Docks, once more for old time sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy of his age. But needing some reassurance, he asks," how am I doing"?
The prostitute replies, " well old Sailor, your doing about 3 knots".
Three Knots he asks, " What's that suppose to mean"?
She says, " Your Knot hard, Your Knot in, and Your Knot getting your f-cking money back.