Swansea Facts

For my A level Geography presentation I have to talk about a settlement so I chose to do Swansea :L Now as my teacher knows where my allegiances lie she said i cant make anything up to make swansea look worse than it is. So I was wondering if anyone knew any true facts about Swansea that make it look shitty???

Who was that poet who said swansea was "a tip of a place" ?

How to survive in swansea, An experienced womans guide to surviving the city!
If your a lady, to blend in with the rest, the first step is to smother your face in cheap dark brown / orange foundation (think david dickinson), only to your jaw line leaving your neck completely pale and white from having no sun all year round. The next step is to go to the local sunbed parlour, (can be found by driving on any road whithin the city for a period of 40 seconds) spend all your weekly dole money in the machine, hopefully getting you an average (swansea) session of 7 hours a day, leaving you feeling crisp and confident! The next step in life is getting pregnant, There are a few rules that you must stick to... 1) Make sure you dont know who the father is, this is usually done by sleeping with whole of the bon-y-maen rugby team in 1 night. 2) Make sure you claim maintenence for the child from every player (Making sure the sunbed sessions are paid for). 3) Make sure Family Housing get you a house close or idealy in the same street as you mother, therefore guarenteing a babysiter at all times. If your mother has already died of an overdose, you will be needing to get friendly with the neighbours (Mandy & Dai).
Stick to those few rules and you sould be able to continue life as normal, burning your face and frying your hair until the age of 40, As soon as this time comes you are now ready to relive your missed youth by drinking WKD's in lava-lounge with the rest of your same aged, same faced, loud screaming, slightly overweight single parent friends who all think its ok to wear the same thing as their 25 year old daughters. Driving/Car tips: Do not under any circumstances consider driving onto the motorway, because A) it goes out of swansea. B) you probably dont have enough petrol in the car to come off at the neath exit. , Make sure you check the following before setting off for the session in the morning: All Playboy stickers / seat covers are present and correct, all 4 wheels have pink wheel trims fitted securely, Also make sure the handbreak is off, Its an all too common sight whithin the city to see girls unknowingly driving down the road with only the front 2 wheels in motion. the final and most important car tip is to always make sure the interior mirror faces.. YOU, not the car behind.
"He fuckin left me the b*stard, i dont care a f**k i dont need no man in my life, thank you very much, Get out of my life and shut the door behind you! fuckin b*stard... Oh, he was a b*stard to me he was. " "Let me tell you something for nothing now sunshine" "f**k off round your own place, you not from swansea you b*stard" "OOOOF IF she did!"

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... id=2818801

Someone originating in Swansea, Wales. Most Swansea Jacks are male, stupid and very proud of it.

The name may be derived from The Swansea Jack (1930 - October 1937) a dog reported to have saved several people from drowning in the sea
I'm A swansea Jack Me....Born and Bred



http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... sea%20Jack

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... 0City%20FC

Just lol

Who was that poet who said swansea was "a tip of a place" ?

It was Dylan Thomas who was actually born in the town but what he actually said was "An Ugly Lovely Town"

But my favourite ever was actually written in The Lonely Planet Guide - To Swansea which described it as "An ashtray of a place" and the "Graveyard of Ambition" just about sums the place up.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_west/4039387.stm

Watch 'the swansea love story' on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sTnGF9yiyU
In the last 4 years swansea have had a 180% increase in heroin users

*historicly until this day has been a second rate city to cardiff which is why we are capital

also they look in the dustbins for something to eat,
and when they find a dead rat, its considered a treat

See if you can find the article about the gypo's that moved in next door to the Liberty stadium and wouldn't move their caravans. True story.

ALSO find the article about the man who was convicted of f*cking a squid. He was from Swansea.

just do a slide "vermin"

my swansea fact -

there shit

"i cant make anything up to make swansea look worse than it is."

Isn't that one of those oxymoron things they're so fond of on *CCMB?

You don't have to make anything up and you can't make swansea look any worse that it actually is, that is virtually impossible!

FACT.



As its Geography perhaps you could use YouTube footage of the famous Jack Armys visit to Nottingham to demonstrate the average jack bastards geographical knowledge

Read this site

http://www.swansea.gov.uk/index.cfm?articleid=36807
http://www.swansea.gov.uk/index.cfm?articleid=40586

Someone originating in Swansea, Wales. Most Swansea Jacks are male, stupid and very proud of it.

The name may be derived from The Swansea Jack (1930 - October 1937) a dog reported to have saved several people from drowning in the sea
I'm A swansea Jack Me....Born and Bred



http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... sea%20Jack

Stupid f*cking dog.

they invented incest

they invented incest

Then developed it!

they invented incest

Then developed it!

A game for the entire family.....

they invented incest

Then developed it!

A game for the entire family.....