When Cockneys met the Welsh Spartans(300)
Thu Dec 30, 2010 11:43 pm
Picture the scene. Leonidas walks out to meet the tyrant Xerxes. But Leonidas is Larry From
Llansplottney, Xerxes is Cass (as in Carol) from Laaaandon:
Leonidas (Larry) : Let me guess... you must be... Simple Simon?... Oh hang on its Cass, still
pushing pringle jumpers eh?.. cant fault you chief!
Xerxes (Cass) : Come, Larry, dont get lemon saan, Let us reason together. It would be a regrettable waste,
it would be nothing short of madness, were you, brave taff, and your valiant firm to perish... all because
of a simple misunderstanding. There is much our cultures could share.
Larry : Oh, haven't you noticed Mang? We've been sharing our culture with you all morning.
Cass : Yours is a fascinating tribe. Even now, you are full of rabbit, more front than 'Arrods..in the face of
annihilation and the presence of a true Cockney wide boy. It isn't wise to stand against me, Larry. Imagine
what horrible fate awaits my enemies when I would gladly kill any of my own men for victory.
Larry : And I would die for any one of mine spaa. (mumbles Larry distractedly, chomping on a Clarkes pie)
Cass : You Taffs take pride in your logic. I suggest you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously
defend. Picture it reduced to ash at my whim! Consider the fate of your women!
Larry : Clearly you don't know our women bruv, you aint been 'parachuting' ave yer!! I might as well have marched
them up here, judging by what I've seen. You have bigger numbers Carol, but few game lads. It won't be long before
they fear our stanleys more than your jellied eels!
Cass : It is not the eels they fear, it is being stuck in tower hamlets. But I am a generous Author. I can make you rich
beyond all measure. I will make you warlord of all Wales. You will carry my battle standard to the heart of Europe.
Your Jack rivals will kneel at your feet if you will but kneel at mine.
Larry : You are generous as you are divine, O Cockney wanker, Such an offer only a madman would refuse. But the,
uh, the idea of kneeling, it's... You see, slaughtering all those men of yours has, uh, well, it's left a nasty cramp in
my leg, ju know what im saying, so kneeling will be hard for me, and these are Lois jumbo cords, and the ground is
wet and muddy braa.
Cass : There will be no glory in your sacrifice. I will erase even the memory of Cardiff from the histories. Every piece
of Welsh parchment shall be burned and every Cardiff City historian and every scribe (watch out Annis)shall have their
eyes put out and their tongues cut from their mouths. Why, uttering the very name of Cardiff City or Larry will be
punishable by death. The world will never know you existed at all!
Larry: The internet will know that free Welsh men stood against a barnardos boy who still playes the race card when
it suits, that few stood against many and, before this battle is over, that even an retired Ice Cream Firmer can bleed....
Oh and Cass...
Remember Barking Road!!
Llansplottney, Xerxes is Cass (as in Carol) from Laaaandon:
Leonidas (Larry) : Let me guess... you must be... Simple Simon?... Oh hang on its Cass, still
pushing pringle jumpers eh?.. cant fault you chief!
Xerxes (Cass) : Come, Larry, dont get lemon saan, Let us reason together. It would be a regrettable waste,
it would be nothing short of madness, were you, brave taff, and your valiant firm to perish... all because
of a simple misunderstanding. There is much our cultures could share.
Larry : Oh, haven't you noticed Mang? We've been sharing our culture with you all morning.
Cass : Yours is a fascinating tribe. Even now, you are full of rabbit, more front than 'Arrods..in the face of
annihilation and the presence of a true Cockney wide boy. It isn't wise to stand against me, Larry. Imagine
what horrible fate awaits my enemies when I would gladly kill any of my own men for victory.
Larry : And I would die for any one of mine spaa. (mumbles Larry distractedly, chomping on a Clarkes pie)
Cass : You Taffs take pride in your logic. I suggest you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously
defend. Picture it reduced to ash at my whim! Consider the fate of your women!
Larry : Clearly you don't know our women bruv, you aint been 'parachuting' ave yer!! I might as well have marched
them up here, judging by what I've seen. You have bigger numbers Carol, but few game lads. It won't be long before
they fear our stanleys more than your jellied eels!
Cass : It is not the eels they fear, it is being stuck in tower hamlets. But I am a generous Author. I can make you rich
beyond all measure. I will make you warlord of all Wales. You will carry my battle standard to the heart of Europe.
Your Jack rivals will kneel at your feet if you will but kneel at mine.
Larry : You are generous as you are divine, O Cockney wanker, Such an offer only a madman would refuse. But the,
uh, the idea of kneeling, it's... You see, slaughtering all those men of yours has, uh, well, it's left a nasty cramp in
my leg, ju know what im saying, so kneeling will be hard for me, and these are Lois jumbo cords, and the ground is
wet and muddy braa.
Cass : There will be no glory in your sacrifice. I will erase even the memory of Cardiff from the histories. Every piece
of Welsh parchment shall be burned and every Cardiff City historian and every scribe (watch out Annis)shall have their
eyes put out and their tongues cut from their mouths. Why, uttering the very name of Cardiff City or Larry will be
punishable by death. The world will never know you existed at all!
Larry: The internet will know that free Welsh men stood against a barnardos boy who still playes the race card when
it suits, that few stood against many and, before this battle is over, that even an retired Ice Cream Firmer can bleed....
Oh and Cass...
Remember Barking Road!!
Re: When Cockneys met the Welsh Spartans(300)
Fri Dec 31, 2010 11:57 am
facking elyarious u obv started on your new years razzle early well done 