JOKES
Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:17 pm
I normally go out to get wrecked on Saturday night after after todays performance, it has spoilt my night, so heres a few jokes to cheer everyone up as im staying in. Jonesy, Jonesy, sort em out. 
The other night my wife aasked me where I would like to be buried. Apparently face first in cheryl coles fanny was the not the response she expected.
2 men out fishing and drinking almost silent not to scare the fish and bob says "I think im going to divorce the wife as she hasnt spoken to me for 4 weeks" Jim continues with his beer and then whispers "Are you sure bob, as women like that are fcuking hard to find?"
Im driving home and I saw a man up to his neck in snow and I shouted I wont be long, I will go home and get a shovel. He shouted back "Make it a big one as im sat on a fcuking horse".
A woman said "I wish I could have bigger breasts", her husband said "Try pushing them in the settee and stay like that all day"
She said "Will that Help?" He said, "Well it worked on your fcuking arse".
I went to Bangkok for a testicle operation. The nurse cupped my balls and said "Dont worry its normal to get an erection when doing this" but I said "I havent an erection" She said "I have".
Credit crunch - The married version:
Husband and wife at tesco, he puts stella in the trolley. "What do you think you are doing?" says the wife. "Its on offer" he says "24 cans for 10 quid". "Put em back" says the wife, "we cant afford them". A few aisles later, the wife picks up some face cream 20 quid and puts it in the trolley. "What you doing?" says the husband "It makes me look beautiful" says the wife. "So does 24 cans of stella" says the husband "and its half the fcuking price".
The other night my wife aasked me where I would like to be buried. Apparently face first in cheryl coles fanny was the not the response she expected.
2 men out fishing and drinking almost silent not to scare the fish and bob says "I think im going to divorce the wife as she hasnt spoken to me for 4 weeks" Jim continues with his beer and then whispers "Are you sure bob, as women like that are fcuking hard to find?"
Im driving home and I saw a man up to his neck in snow and I shouted I wont be long, I will go home and get a shovel. He shouted back "Make it a big one as im sat on a fcuking horse".
A woman said "I wish I could have bigger breasts", her husband said "Try pushing them in the settee and stay like that all day"
She said "Will that Help?" He said, "Well it worked on your fcuking arse".
I went to Bangkok for a testicle operation. The nurse cupped my balls and said "Dont worry its normal to get an erection when doing this" but I said "I havent an erection" She said "I have".
Credit crunch - The married version:
Husband and wife at tesco, he puts stella in the trolley. "What do you think you are doing?" says the wife. "Its on offer" he says "24 cans for 10 quid". "Put em back" says the wife, "we cant afford them". A few aisles later, the wife picks up some face cream 20 quid and puts it in the trolley. "What you doing?" says the husband "It makes me look beautiful" says the wife. "So does 24 cans of stella" says the husband "and its half the fcuking price".
Re: JOKES
Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:31 pm
im not in the mood for jokes, after watching that today,,, paddys driving along the road, when he sees mick on the bus stop, want a lift mick,, no thank you he says to paddy, i will miss my bus 
Re: JOKES
Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:40 pm
72 or 153 away fans at Portman Rd today
Re: JOKES
Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:43 pm
Gareth (Wilts) wrote:72 or 153 away fans at Portman Rd today
Thats cheered me up. I think I will go out now....
Re: JOKES
Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:50 pm
How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in a blender.
Put it in a blender.