BRING BACK TOMMY COOPER

1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think
at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to
buy marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only
Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can
clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50
quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong
currant pulled him in.

7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my
legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut
your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a
muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that
you can't have your kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his
van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that
he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing
out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to
put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of
Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it
common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to
put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No,
because he's really heavy'.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to
me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look
great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'

16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of
them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother
Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think
it's Colin.

17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your
round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat b*stard!'


18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking
battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They
charged one and let the other one off.

19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my
driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen.
It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt
my arm in several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't
go there anymore!

21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this
morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into
a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have
recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to
climb as digging continues into the night.


BUT NOT SENILE, OH SAID THAT

THE MAN IS A LEGEND , you tube him or buy his dvds , ahead of his time

nice one Frank , where did u get all them from ?

you can download the "Very best of Tommy Cooper" of btjunkie.the man was a legend.