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Don't bottle it up," says former Cardiff City player and Scotland international Kevin McNaughton, raising awareness of depression after his own experience of hitting "
rock bottom"
Warning: Contains content of a distressing nature.In a candid interview with Sky Sports News, former Cardiff, Aberdeen and Scotland defender Kevin McNaughton has opened up on his battle with depression following retirement from football.
In January 2022, McNaughton published a series of worrying tweets, one of which read: "
Let my kids know I'll hover above, I'll always love them they're too good for me."
McNaughton was then reported missing, prompting a concerned response on social media from the football community. Thankfully, he was soon located.
Just over a year later, McNaughton is able to look back on a troubling time of his life with perspective, and says his issues emanated from his struggle to deal with retirement.
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I just got myself in a bit of a mess really, which stemmed from not really being prepared for life after football," said the 40-year-old.
"My life had slowly sort of disintegrated after I stopped playing. My relationship sort of fell to pieces and then off the back of that, I probably isolated myself a bit as well when I should have really been speaking to other people and getting help.
"Looking back, that was obviously a mistake. It was a difficult time."
The former Scotland international - who is now back in football as manager of sixth-tier club Dundee North End - believes the tweets he sent were "
a cry for help".
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Looking back, I can't actually remember sending them. I'd taken quite a lot of the medication I was on and with alcohol, I was a mess really.
"I was lucky enough that I did probably send them out. It was maybe a cry for help. I had got to that sort of stage of rock bottom, I think.
"The police found us with my medication and alcohol. They could see I was in a state really, to be honest with you."[i]
McNaughton was inundated with messages of support from former team-mates and friends that flooded in on social media, something he took comfort from as he started on his road to recovery.
[i]"That probably helped us through the first few weeks of trying to get myself back on the right track," he added.
"I probably kept my head in the sand for a couple of days really and once I had surfaced and seen all the messages, it was pretty incredible really.
"Social media can get a bit of a bad rap sometimes but in that case, it has shown it in a good light.
"Obviously that dies down as well and you've got to sort of start knuckling down and getting back into normal life which was hard.
"Just having my kids around us as much as I could around that period helped and probably my life then to where it is now has changed a lot.
"I got engaged, just a few months back so I've got that to look forward now. I've got a future that didn't seem possible back then.
"I think one thing it has sort of taught me, you've got to try and get through these difficult periods because there is still a lot to live for and certainly in my case, I have had some of my best days since then."
McNaughton, who made over 250 appearances for Cardiff City and was capped four times for Scotland is now manager of Dundee North End, alongside Lewis Toshney
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For anybody who is going through sort of similar things, the one thing I would say is don't bottle it up.
"You need to speak to people when things are not really going well for you.
"It can be hard to do that but, for me, being able to speak to people now and get support is something I have to do daily."
McNaughton has been supported by the mental health charity Back Onside and he is urging anyone who is struggling to seek help.
If you are affected by this story or want to talk, please contact the Samaritans on the free helpline 116 123, or visit the website http://www.samaritans.org
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