Very very interesting
Wed May 13, 2020 7:11 am
I just saw this on one of my friends fb
Right I've sat down and gone through the new rules with a fine tooth comb. The following explains all and removes any form of confusion
I think I’ve worked it out..
* 4, 5 and 11 year olds can go to school but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.
* I can go to school with many children that I’m not related to but can’t see three children that I am related to.
* I can sit in a park, but not tomorrow or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.
* I can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe but not run with them as that is a sport.
* I can work all day with my colleagues but I can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.
* I can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day felt like I was some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of other things that I would like to be unlimited.
* I can drive to other destinations although which destinations is unclear.
* The buses are still running past my house but I shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.
* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t really know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.
* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.
* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.
* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more.So we don’t have to stay at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.
Don’t forget...
Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.
Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my dog and I can actually see her. Plus I know a bit about dogs and very little about controlling viruses.
Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that
one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day.
So there you are. If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.
Right I've sat down and gone through the new rules with a fine tooth comb. The following explains all and removes any form of confusion
I think I’ve worked it out..
* 4, 5 and 11 year olds can go to school but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.
* I can go to school with many children that I’m not related to but can’t see three children that I am related to.
* I can sit in a park, but not tomorrow or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.
* I can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe but not run with them as that is a sport.
* I can work all day with my colleagues but I can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.
* I can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day felt like I was some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of other things that I would like to be unlimited.
* I can drive to other destinations although which destinations is unclear.
* The buses are still running past my house but I shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.
* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t really know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.
* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.
* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.
* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more.So we don’t have to stay at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.
Don’t forget...
Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.
Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my dog and I can actually see her. Plus I know a bit about dogs and very little about controlling viruses.
Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that
one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day.
So there you are. If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.
Re: Very very interesting
Wed May 13, 2020 7:38 am
In a nutshell 