Lock your doors and windows chaps

As yesterday morning at 4.30am I was awoken by a noise, it was an intruder, in the dark its quite frightening knowing theres someone in your home, but you dont know where, anyway I confronted him in the hallway, asking what do you think you are doing and to get out, looked like he was high on something, he caught me on the hand with broken glass with nasty cut, but with that 4 police officers arrived and carted him off, police were very quick responding, I even said to them how was you so quick? They said we were passing when a report came in. So stay safe and lock up!

How is Santa going to get in then?

How is Santa going to get in then?

The chimney mate. That’s his thing.

How is Santa going to get in then?

The chimney mate. That’s his thing.

My chimney is as narrow as an anorexic shoulders how is the fat f**k is going to get down it?

How is Santa going to get in then?

The chimney mate. That’s his thing.

My chimney is as narrow as an anorexic shoulders how is the fat f**k is going to get down it?

Isn't it usually the man of the house that dons the Santa suit, eats all the pies and does the 'chimney' business, fella?

How is Santa going to get in then?

The chimney mate. That’s his thing.

My chimney is as narrow as an anorexic shoulders how is the fat f**k is going to get down it?

Isn't it usually the man of the house that dons the Santa suit, eats all the pies and does the 'chimney' business, fella?

I was the skinniest Santa alive I was encouraged to eat all the pies not that I did though.

And thats why i always keep a baseball bat close to my bedroom door

How is Santa going to get in then?

The chimney mate. That’s his thing.

My chimney is as narrow as an anorexic shoulders how is the fat f**k is going to get down it?

Isn't it usually the man of the house that dons the Santa suit, eats all the pies and does the 'chimney' business, fella?

I was the skinniest Santa alive I was encouraged to eat all the pies not that I did though.

Get a alarm and programme it to set downstairs in the night time.

Just seeing the bell box outside working will put most of them off

As yesterday morning at 4.30am I was awoken by a noise, it was an intruder, in the dark its quite frightening knowing theres someone in your home, but you dont know where, anyway I confronted him in the hallway, asking what do you think you are doing and to get out, looked like he was high on something, he caught me on the hand with broken glass with nasty cut, but with that 4 police officers arrived and carted him off, police were very quick responding, I even said to them how was you so quick? They said we were passing when a report came in. So stay safe and lock up!

hope you are ok...

That's not a true story.
The cops wouldn't turn up that quick if not at all!!