RE: Breaking News - Tan Seeks End to Feud

Hugh Mungus reports...

In the weeks build up ahead of the incredible day that saw Neil Warnock's men win promotion to the premier league, Baked Alasker - a regular user of the famous Cardiff City Forum made it clear that he felt Tan owed him an apology.

Speaking on behalf of the legion of Cardiff fans who still feel that despite changing the team back to blue, getting rid of red entirely from the away kits and still continuing to keep the club afloat whilst actually clearing our outstanding debt in line with a promise to make us debt free before he leaves, that Vincent Tan is a far worse owner than the likes of Venky's, Swansea's American Dream Team, that arse who stole all the money from Blackpool, the Egyptian fella at Hull that called them the Tigers for ten minutes or so or anyone who would hire Harry Redknapp.

Speaking exclusively to the CCFC Forum Alasker (if that is even his real name) stated:

One thing I hate in life are those in power who backtrack and don't have the decency to admit they made a mistake.

Tan fits right into that mould. He has never apologise for the rebrand and acted in line with what was best for his business mind instead of the feelings of the supporters. A simple statement to say it was a mistake would go a long way.

Tan, has of course been under much scrutiny during the last week, and many eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed a moment during the promotion celebrations where his infamous, Bond Villan disguise was torn asunder as his Aviators went missing during the melee - and when the mask slipped, it was a revelation as in reality he actually does in fact, look like some kindly old Asian grandad.

In fact, since this revelation it has been speculated by many others, who all insist they know a lot about that type of thing, that he is all set to feature in the new Malaysian remake of the classic TV series "The Werther Originals Adverts" a contract he has apparently been offered because he actually looks quite nice and mostly harmless without the sunnies on.

Indeed, it appears that the highly complex disguise that Tan's team insist he wears at all times is a strategic move to make him look like an evil dictator that lives in a volcano, because he is actually a highly sensitive man who is terrified of people thinking he is a bad man and saying stuff about him on the internet.

(Editors Note: If we could please just ignore the whole vindictively setting out to destroy Malky even when he'd gone and got Wigan relegated thing for a minute that'd be appreciated as it doesn't quite fit into the narrative I'm going for here, cheers!)

Indeed, within mere seconds of reading Alasker's insightful and damning judgement of his own inability to say sorry in actual words, rather than meaningless things like actions and shit loads of cash, Tan dialled Neil Warnock on the bat phone he had insisted being installed in Sir Neil's house so he could ask what the right thing to do was, from the man who according to vociferous murmurs on the grapevine, is potentially about to be canonised for performing the miracle of getting Cardiff City into the premier league, in blue - all whilst not being a closet racist and misogynist that likes big tall scandanavian boys.

"Ahh I love it me, the banter, and they're a cracking set of lads here ya know Vincent" replied Warnock after Tan has explained all about AlaskerGate.

"Jus gi im waree wants, say i were a mistake and it wont appen again. Put it out there and lets see what happens, I love it me, all this internet and stuff - it's a proper forum that, it's what it's all about innit. I love it me."

48.6 seconds later Tan issued the following statement which was announced simultaneously across all his corporate media globally, including shopping Tannoys in every 7Eleven in the world.

I'm so f*cking sorry BakedAlasker, Seriously I f**cked up, but I fixed it now, so please can we just let bygones be bygones and call it quits. Look how about if I buy you all an ice cream as well?

However, whilst having a global media empire (which Tan apparently now does) might make getting a message across easier but it is by no means foolproof and Tan is not a man that likes to takes chances - he learned that lesson when he hired a Gary Barlow's charming but ultimately useless house Elf to run his football club.

So on the off chance that Alasker wasn't plugged into Tan's worldwide media platform, Tan endeavoured to do an interview with the shite local rag as well to cover all his bases and hopefully reach Mssr. Alasker one way or the other.

In this interview Tan commented:

"I must admit I made a mistake early on changing the colour, but I removed the mistake. There will be no more tinkering with the colours.

"I can understand how the fans feel. But I reverted back to blue. I want to say thank-you very much to them for continuing to support the club.

It will be interesting to see what Alasker, and the dark army of minions that he commands - who all support the quite absurdly childish stance that one mistake, (which has since been rectified) is enough to hate a man for life (and quite possibly beyond) will do next.

Will they accept this Malaysian Olive branch and accordingly soften their position to one of quietly grudging respect, of course voiced only in the privacy of friends such as those found on a football messaging forum?

Or will Tan's temerity and downright audacity in doing exactly what Alasker et al have specifically asked for send them into further apoplectic rage?

Whichever way this goes it is surely going to be yet another bizarre and strange twist in the epic drama that is CCFC....




Please note that Hugh Mungus is not a sexual inuendo but a fat joke. Oh and nothing in this article is meant to be taken seriously.

I would have been sold on the offer of ice cream if it was before this:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=196223#p2010388

f**k me.

Did you miss the game yesterday so you had time to write all that?

f**k me.

Did you miss the game yesterday so you had time to write all that?

I feel quite honoured he spent all that time on me.

I would have been sold on the offer of ice cream if it was before this:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=196223#p2010388

Odd. Hmmmmmm.

f**k me.

Did you miss the game yesterday so you had time to write all that?

I feel quite honoured he spent all that time on me.

All tongue in cheek matey - you were just the easiest to quote - although I do like the idea of you commanding a dark army of minions to be fair!

f**k me.

Did you miss the game yesterday so you had time to write all that?

I feel quite honoured he spent all that time on me.

All tongue in cheek matey - you were just the easiest to quote - although I do like the idea of you commanding a dark army of minions to be fair!

No hard feelings. I thought it was quite amusing.

I wouldn't share my ice cream with them though.

Absolutely brilliant.

Think we have new Bond villain in the Cardiff ranks.

f**k me.

Did you miss the game yesterday so you had time to write all that?

I feel quite honoured he spent all that time on me.

All tongue in cheek matey - you were just the easiest to quote - although I do like the idea of you commanding a dark army of minions to be fair!

No hard feelings. I thought it was quite amusing.

I wouldn't share my ice cream with them though.

That Mr Alasker is a more than fair position!

Class work.

Change Ian for TLG (as Ian has accepted the olive branch) though and you will have an enemy for life.

Laughed out loud at the Warnock quotes.

Good work ealing_ayahtollah. Read all the Tan quotes in Tans own voice.