Chinese involvement in Liverpool to revolutionise football
Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:08 pm
Chinese involvement in Liverpool to revolutionise football
With the Chinese interested in taking over Liverpool FC, this could change football in the UK forever. Following on from top brands such as Burberry, Marks & Spencer and Premark, one of England's elite clubs could also follow the same route.
There will of course be several changes to Liverpool football club, mostly in cost cutting associated with Chinese production methods. First for the shake up will be their Academy which will be moved to a small factory just outside Bangkok. All the players will look the same and will work great for 20 minutes but after that their legs will fall off. Some players will be delivered with two right legs, some with no legs at all.
Replacement players can be ordered but expect deliveries to be weeks late and replacements will not necessarily what was ordered. You wanted a striker, you might get one, then again it might be a defender or a goalkeeper, or whatever.
Plenty of fake players will turn up on Splot market but will perform just as well as the official one's, the only different being they language they speak and you don't get free batteries.
Wages will be slashed. No longer will players expect 30 grand a week or more. From now on they'll get 3p per day and their working time will go up from 90 minutes to 19 hours. The average age of a player will be 6.
Further savings will be made at the club by getting shot of the burger bar staff. From now on it's chicken foo young at half time with a couple of chicken balls and some prawn crackers. All cooked of course by the players who's time will be proper utilised rather than them sitting on their arses in the changing room listening to a manager talking bollox for 15 minutes.
Watch the Echo rob my exclusive
With the Chinese interested in taking over Liverpool FC, this could change football in the UK forever. Following on from top brands such as Burberry, Marks & Spencer and Premark, one of England's elite clubs could also follow the same route.
There will of course be several changes to Liverpool football club, mostly in cost cutting associated with Chinese production methods. First for the shake up will be their Academy which will be moved to a small factory just outside Bangkok. All the players will look the same and will work great for 20 minutes but after that their legs will fall off. Some players will be delivered with two right legs, some with no legs at all.
Replacement players can be ordered but expect deliveries to be weeks late and replacements will not necessarily what was ordered. You wanted a striker, you might get one, then again it might be a defender or a goalkeeper, or whatever.
Plenty of fake players will turn up on Splot market but will perform just as well as the official one's, the only different being they language they speak and you don't get free batteries.
Wages will be slashed. No longer will players expect 30 grand a week or more. From now on they'll get 3p per day and their working time will go up from 90 minutes to 19 hours. The average age of a player will be 6.
Further savings will be made at the club by getting shot of the burger bar staff. From now on it's chicken foo young at half time with a couple of chicken balls and some prawn crackers. All cooked of course by the players who's time will be proper utilised rather than them sitting on their arses in the changing room listening to a manager talking bollox for 15 minutes.
Watch the Echo rob my exclusive
Re: Chinese involvement in Liverpool to revolutionise football
Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:23 am
Re: Chinese involvement in Liverpool to revolutionise football
Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:28 am
Very Good
Re: Chinese involvement in Liverpool to revolutionise football
Tue Aug 03, 2010 8:08 am
I'm guessing you were not too hot at geography or economics in school.
Re: Chinese involvement in Liverpool to revolutionise football
Tue Aug 03, 2010 8:47 am
Liverpool to fancy another buy-out shortly after Chinese take-over
As news broke of an imminent Chinese take-over of Liverpool football club, Anfield insiders have suggested that they will almost certainly fancy another buy-out shortly after completing their Chinese deal.
Kenny Huang, head of Hong Kong-based investment company QSL Sports Ltd, wants to take full control of the team, who have been up for sale since April this year.
His spokesperson said, “We have been feeding the Liverpool representatives details of the take-over, and they have wolfed them down just as we’d hoped they would.”
Liverpool Chairman Martin Broughton told reporters, “We’re pretty close to finalising a deal, we’re almost finished, but I can already feel the rumblings which suggest another buy-out might be on the cards within a very short period of time.”
“That’s not to say we’re not enjoying this take over. We are. It’s just that for some reason I think we might be left slightly nauseous and a little unsatisfied.”
Take Over
The take-over is expected to relieve the financial worries at the club, and leave them with a strong foundation to stake a claim for a place in next year’s Champions League.
However, some financial experts are predicting it may not all be plain sailing for the merseysiders.
City financier Rupert Waldorf explained, “I think we should see how everyone is feeling a few hours after the take-over is complete, before we hail it as a success.”
“That’s the thing about Chinese take-overs you see, they might feel great at the time, but they tend to leave you wanting another take-over almost as soon as you’ve finished the current one.”
Manager Roy Hodgson is said to be delighted at the prospect of a take-over, telling reporters, “I’m the manager you know. It’s a nice job, and the people here are lovely. I’m the manager you know.”
As news broke of an imminent Chinese take-over of Liverpool football club, Anfield insiders have suggested that they will almost certainly fancy another buy-out shortly after completing their Chinese deal.
Kenny Huang, head of Hong Kong-based investment company QSL Sports Ltd, wants to take full control of the team, who have been up for sale since April this year.
His spokesperson said, “We have been feeding the Liverpool representatives details of the take-over, and they have wolfed them down just as we’d hoped they would.”
Liverpool Chairman Martin Broughton told reporters, “We’re pretty close to finalising a deal, we’re almost finished, but I can already feel the rumblings which suggest another buy-out might be on the cards within a very short period of time.”
“That’s not to say we’re not enjoying this take over. We are. It’s just that for some reason I think we might be left slightly nauseous and a little unsatisfied.”
Take Over
The take-over is expected to relieve the financial worries at the club, and leave them with a strong foundation to stake a claim for a place in next year’s Champions League.
However, some financial experts are predicting it may not all be plain sailing for the merseysiders.
City financier Rupert Waldorf explained, “I think we should see how everyone is feeling a few hours after the take-over is complete, before we hail it as a success.”
“That’s the thing about Chinese take-overs you see, they might feel great at the time, but they tend to leave you wanting another take-over almost as soon as you’ve finished the current one.”
Manager Roy Hodgson is said to be delighted at the prospect of a take-over, telling reporters, “I’m the manager you know. It’s a nice job, and the people here are lovely. I’m the manager you know.”