Joke thread

A friend of mine in work was moonlighting as a human cannonball but when he went to do it yesterday he was fired!

Its ok though because he had a phone call today from his boss telling him he could have his job back if he wanted it. Apparently he couldn't find anyone of the same caliber!

Are you here all week?

Are you here all week?

The winner so far......


A man walks into a bakers and says
"Can I have a steak and kiddlie pie please"
Sorry, I didn't catch you
"can I have a Steak and Kiddlie pie please"
Don't you mean steak and kidney?
"That's what I said, diddle I"

Sorry

Man walks into a chip shop and says : "I'll have 2 pissoles and chips".

The owner says: "That's not a "p", it's an "r""

So the customer says : "OK then, give me two arseoles and chips".

The boy goes over to his mums and she is putting make up on her face and she says "oh shit" and the boy asks "what does that mean"? and she says "oh its just another word for putting make up on my face" then the boy goes over to his dad and he is cutting the chicken and he says "oh f**k" and the boy asks "what does than mean"? and he says "oh its just another word for cutting" the chicken then the boy goes over to his friends and they ask "what are your mum and dad doing"? which the boy replied "my mum is putting shit on her face and my dad is f*cking a chicken".

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair

Why was six afraid of seven? Coz seven was a well known six offender

ole gunnar solskjaer

What's the only key that'll open any door?


A pi-key!