any jokes needs cheering up this

site :

bloke notices a tasty bird looking at him in Supermarket. "Do I know u"? he asks. "Your the dad of 1 of my kids" he thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful and says, "Were u the hooker I f****ed over the pool table at my stag do, while your mate spanked me with celery and shoved a cucumber up my arse", Shocked she replied "No i'm your Daughters English teacher".

whats the diffrence between a speed camera, and going down on a women??

when you go down on a women, you can actually see the c**t behind the bush

whats the diffrence between a speed camera, and going down on a women??

when you go down on a women, you can actually see the c**t behind the bush

2 indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital...

One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka

2 indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital...

One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka

Was in an Indian resturant last night having a meal. Waiter came over to me and said "curryokay" I said "Go on then just one song, then f**k off"....

2 indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital...

One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka

Was in an Indian resturant last night having a meal. Waiter came over to me and said "curryokay" I said "Go on then just one song, then f**k off"....

love it

Bride on her wedding night says to hubby "I must confess I used to be a hooker"...He says "Thats ok, your past is your past but I must admit I find it quite erotic, tell me about it". She says "my name was Dave and I played for Wigan".....

Bloke walks into library and asks for a book on underage dwarf sex. "how can you stoop so low?" comes the reply. "Yes, that's the one ! Is it in stock?".........

Yesterday a girl from my past rang, it was years since our brief affair, but I have never forgotten the amazing sex & great times we had together..imagine my delight when she suggested revisiting our glorious past. I explained i wasn't the man i was, having gained a beer belly, a bald patch & a slight pile problem. she... giggled & said not to worry as she had put a few pounds on herself....So I told her to F**K off..

a blonde wants to send a message to her mother overseas . The man told her it would cost £300
I dont have the money but i'd do anything to get a message to my my mother "Anything"
said the man .Yes anything promised the blonde .Follow me said the fella . Now get down on your knees pull my zip and gently take out my penis . She reached it and ... See moregently with both hands held his penis . The man closed his eyes and said "well go ahead "
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to his penis , While holding it closer to her lips she whispered

Hello mum can you hear me ??

I once fell head over heals in love with a girl in a petrol station. We got engaged, but after a couple of months she broke it off. I was devastated. To this day I can't drive past the petrol station without filling up.....

I was in a cemetery and I saw 4 men carrying a coffin round & round, 3 hours later I saw the same men with the same coffin, I thought to myself...The've lost the f****g plot...

Just got back from hospital they reckon i might have PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILLICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS but at the moment it's hard to say.......

You might not be the best looking bird in here...But beauty is only a light switch away.........lol

why do NASA sent there astranouts to the liberty staduim to train ????????

becausr its the only place with no atmosphere

It was our 14th anniversary and our lass undresses and says "what did you think 14 years ago? I said "I wanted to f**k ya brains out and suck ya Tits dry" she said "What about now" I said "it looks like I did a pretty good job".........

why do NASA sent there astranouts to the liberty staduim to train ????????

becausr its the only place with no atmosphere

paulo sousa was stopped by police speeding home after the draw with doncaster.

why were you speeding asked the police???

a very upset sousa replied, ''il do anything for 3 points today

paulo sausa is taking a training session and notices a BIG TURD on the pitch .........

whos shit on the pitch, asks sousa??

trundle replies, i am boss !! but i try my best

paulo sousa was stopped by police speeding home after the draw with doncaster.

why were you speeding asked the police???

a very upset sousa replied, ''il do anything for 3 points today

well done lads nice to see some of you got a sense of humour

this time last week i was still in court what a difference this week!

why do swansea fans whistle while there having a shit???

so they know which end to wipe

rumour from the liberty staduim !!!!!!!!!!!

rumour is the club are changing there sponsor to -TAMPAX !
the board felt it was appropriate as they are going through a bad period

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cWhgKbGbTs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgRs3Bca9tI

hows your face book looking mallo, i should charge for my comedy value

I was reminising about my old school days the other day,playing footie on the yard,a quick smoke behind the bikeshed,fingering girls in the bushes,yeah,I really miss my f*cking caretakers job !