Jon Candy Barrie Bluebirds unite statement

Candy and before you say nothing to do with Bluebirds unite you posted it today on there

nothing wrong with it Candy and you do do a good job for leader and commitee of Bluebirds unite

Jon Candy
Barrie,

I need you to get a statement on the website as soon as possible as there are a load of media people hanging around in the car park and some of them have cameras. We need to put some positive spin on what happened during today's board meeting before anyone from the club talks to the press.

Mention that I invited Malky along to the meeting. He's very popular at the moment, so that should go down well. His agent has apparently been gobbing off on the radio again today and he has a press conference coming up later this week, but I've reminded him in no uncertain terms who pays his wages, so he should keep reasonably quiet for the time being.

As the fruitcake from Kuala Lumpur has an impressive track record in business, most people apparently assumed the football club was being properly run. Indeed, some of my fellow directors seemed to be under the same impression, but the truth is the hotel manager Vincent brought in to control the show on his behalf doesn't know his arse from a hole in the ground. Therefore, Simon's finally been sidelined. You won't be hearing from him for a while, that's for sure. Under the circumstances, it's probably best if you don't mention him in the press release.

The subject of the Head of Recruitment being sacked and replaced by that painter from Kazakhstan was discussed at length. Suffice to say Malky is more than a little pissed off about the situation, particularly as Iain was a good mate of his. But don't mention that monumental cock-up in the statement, whatever you do. Vincent has already warned Malky that if he mouths off to the press any time soon he'll be following his friend up the road, so hopefully we can brush that one under the carpet.

During the board meeting, I set up some committees to make us look a bit more professional. These are as follows:

a) The Nomination and Corporate Governance Committee

Sounds impressive, doesn't it? This committee will be chaired by me. I know a lot about business and also a fair bit about professional football, which is handy. The committee will mainly deal with transfers and other complicated stuff like that. Malky will have final approval on all player purchases and sales, so you can tell the supporters to relax. From now on, neither the Kazakh kid nor the Malaysian madman will be able to buy or sell anyone unless Malky says so.

b) The Audit Committee

Sam's accountant, Michael, will be in charge of this committee, which will look to strengthen the club's internal financial controls. This makes perfect sense, as Sam has informed me the club spent its money wisely and didn't run up any unnecessary debts while he was in charge, so his accountant was the obvious choice to sort out the financials.

c) The Health and Safety Committee

This one will be chaired by Steve and won't actually do anything at all, but the council will be impressed if we say we have a health and safety committee and it'll give the public the impression that we care about our customers, so I thought it would be worth a mention.

Steve will also head up a special committee which will deal with the expansion of the stadium. Hopefully, if we tell the press he is only dealing with health and safety issues and the stadium expansion and boring stuff like that, the fans will stop asking him awkward questions on Twitter and the message boards.

On the same subject, I've ordered Steve to desist from logging on to the internet late at night, particularly when he's had a few. Journalists read the things he says when he's squabbling with the supporters and we don't want him getting in the press now we're in the Premier League, so I've told him to knock it in the head. Do me a favour - keep an eye on his Twitter account and let me know if he gets us into any trouble. Vincent is buying Steve's shares soon, so we'll boot him into touch if he causes us any hassle.

Some good news for you to underline: Vincent has agreed to write off almost £6 million of the interest he was charging on his enormous loans. That should make the balance sheet look a bit better when the accounts are released in a few months' time, so make sure that gets a mention. And while you're at it, don't forget to underline how generous we think the loony is. You know he gets the hump if he's not mentioned at least twice in every press release.

The story Vincent invented about converting all of his debts to equity has worked a treat. Not only did Sam fall for it but most of the supporters did too. Now that that particular yarn has served its purpose, there will be no need for you to mention it again. Furthermore, if you get five minutes this afternoon, try to delete any old stories on the website which mention it.

Finally, some bloke called Len has apparently resigned from the board. To be honest, I've absolutely no idea who he is or what he does, but I reckon he's probably one of those guys you can see wandering around in the background whenever Vinny's video link from Kuala Lumpur is working. Len will no doubt be replaced another Malaysian who nobody has ever heard of in due course. We'll announce that whenever it happens. If we time it right, maybe no-one will notice that Simon has gone.

If you can get a statement out before 3:00pm it would be much appreciated, as I want to make a sharp exit and avoid any questions from the media on the way out. If that's not possible, just have our security boys eject the press from the car park.

Cheers,

Mehmet.

Mr Spider-Man is loving this

Stolen from TLG

Stolen from TLG

correct tlg taking the piss,posted it on the other mb

Stolen from TLG

correct tlg taking the piss,posted it on the other mb

It made me laugh anyway....

Stolen from TLG

Hardly stolen... Reposted.

Stolen from TLG

i got it from Jon Candy, Bluebirds unite wall ask him, his name was at the top

Stolen from TLG

i got it from Jon Candy, Bluebirds unite wall ask him, his name was at the top

Yes, but it was originally written by TLG, David Sugarman, on CCMB.

I'm totally pro blue pal, but your posts here tend to alienate everyone from BU. Maybe you should stop doing it.

I think candy posted it because it was funny,that's all 37

Why are people so polite to this poster. No one here is stupid so everyone is fully aware he's on a wind up.

So why so polite? He seems to make a mockery of bu. maybe I'm missing something

I think candy posted it because it was funny,that's all 37

Stolen from TLG

i got it from Jon Candy, Bluebirds unite wall ask him, his name was at the top

Yes, but it was originally written by TLG, David Sugarman, on CCMB.

I'm totally pro blue pal, but your posts here tend to alienate everyone from BU. Maybe you should stop doing it.

oh ok

Why are people so polite to this poster. No one here is stupid so everyone is fully aware he's on a wind up.

So why so polite? He seems to make a mockery of bu. maybe I'm missing something

I beg your pardon, i am a member of Bluebirds unite i go to all meetings, i marched, i was originally with Kcb, do you? I fully support Bluebirds unite

Why are people so polite to this poster. No one here is stupid so everyone is fully aware he's on a wind up.

So why so polite? He seems to make a mockery of bu. maybe I'm missing something

its quite amusing really
he posts quotes from Bu's Facebook page and candy chases him around the Mb.
it doesn't bother me one bit.

Why are people so polite to this poster. No one here is stupid so everyone is fully aware he's on a wind up.

So why so polite? He seems to make a mockery of bu. maybe I'm missing something

I beg your pardon, i am a member of Bluebirds unite i go to all meetings, i marched, i was originally with Kcb, do you? I fully support Bluebirds unite

Comical act on a wind up.

I do find it quite funny tbh!!!

Stolen from TLG

i got it from Jon Candy, Bluebirds unite wall ask him, his name was at the top

Yes, but it was originally written by TLG, David Sugarman, on CCMB.

I'm totally pro blue pal, but your posts here tend to alienate everyone from BU. Maybe you should stop doing it.

i dont think you should stop blue 37 i find them interesting,an amusing when bu chase you up on here

37 you are a complete marionette.

What's candy got to do with it?