My KFC rant!!!

Having put up with trying to buy a KFC on a Friday night in Blackwood and them getting it wrong every single time, I lost it last Friday night and spent a hour and half writing a rant that I sent to them. Sad I know but this has been going on for months. That's all I want is a boneless banquet with a pepsi max no ice!. You'll get the jist of it from my rant....


How hard could it be? Maybe a boneless banquet box meal is a new thing that takes years of planning with mass organisation? Tell you what if someone in the Blackwood KFC ever manages to serve one correctly then I think you need to contact NASA because you’ve got a budding genius on your hands.

Not being in the food industry I took it for granted that when someone asks for a boneless banquet with coleslaw and a Pepsi Max with no ice, it would be quite straight forward. I thought that because you’re not tackling a full on “a la carte” menu that it might be slightly less difficult to select a few bits of chicken, throw them in a box and hand them over. Talking about thrown in a box; I saw your latest advert on tele where these men are under the table with a nicely presented boneless banquet meal. You nearly got it right because I swear at Blackwood they prepare theirs under the table with a dustpan and brush. Just scope up whatever crap is laying down there and shovel it in.

You might think I’m a little bit peeved but this has been building up over several months. Every Friday I have to go through the ritual of going to Blackwood KFC and getting a boneless banquet meal with coleslaw and a Pespi Max with no ice. I used to find it quite amusing that every single time no matter how politely I asked for no ice, that they always gave me ice. “Sorry mate but I didn’t want ice…” “No problem sir I’ll do you another one”. That’s not now and again, but almost every single time.

I realise that mistakes can happen and the biggest problem you’ve got there is a big mouth manager who barks orders at the staff, making them rush around, even though the shop only has two or three people in there. If there was a queue down the road then fair enough, but the place is usually empty when I go there. I have felt on more than one occasion to go in and advice big gob to concentrate a little bit more on quality than bullying his staff into nervous wrecks who can’t even pour a carton of pop without getting it wrong.

Sometimes though their incompetence is quite fun. If you ever can’t decide what to order, just order a boneless banquet and go round to the window to await a surprise meal. In Blackwood you may as well call it a “lucky dip meal”. I’ve had burgers, chicken legs and allsorts. Great fun when you can’t decide. I was going to order a bucket meal once as a treat but I didn’t have the guts. Who knows what I might have ended up with. The only thing I know is it would have been chicken of some sort.

Of late the “yearn for only the ice issue” has become a dream. I lie await at night dreaming that my order will only be wrong because of ice. Last few weeks I’ve had the pleasure of “parking in a bay” for a length of time which is an experience in itself. You start off wondering how long your meal will be and wondering if the ice you didn’t want will start to melt. That ends in a stage where you are convinced they’ve totally forgot about you and you have to get out the car and ask, knowing you’ll only hear “Oh yeah, what was your order again?”… “A boneless banquet, coleslaw and a Pepsi Max no ice.” … “Yes sir, we had to wait for the chicken to cook.” Well thank f**k for that! I was starting to worry that there was a chicken shortage and I should be heading over to Tesco panic buying anything meat that’s not red in colour.

Tonight, I did the parking up thing again. I admit that I did complicate things a bit. I’m embarrassed to admit this but for my sins I asked if I could have some sauces. You know those little sachets you give with your meals. I think you might need a training course organised for handing those over. NASA is watching your progress on that one, so be warned.

When I pulled up tonight though, I thought the world had ended. I arrived at the food window. That’s the one where they balance your change on top of a slippery receipt, so that when they hand it to you, your coins go falling everywhere. If ever I become bankrupt I’m heading for the grass verge by that window. There’s got to be enough money laying around there to write off the national debt.

Anyway, tonight she handed me my Pepsi Max and there was no ice in it. I did get the urge to hand her a phone number of a bloke I know who fixes ice machines, but no, I just sat there looking at the drink like you would look at a winning lottery ticket.

But then came the dreaded “park up and we’ll bring it out in a moment”. Now I checked and a moment doesn’t mean “Go out of sight, we’ll forget you exist, we’ve got one or two other orders to get wrong here.”

After a while, she came out with a box. No sauces though. So I asked again for some and she politely rushed off in to the back of the kitchen. A bit later she came back with a handful of them. Great I thought. Got home though and my sense of achievement was soon shot down in flames when I found there was no coleslaw in the box. So we phoned up and told them. “Sorry about that, we’ll give you an extra coleslaw next time you come in. Why would I need extra coleslaw for? It’s a side order thing where you have a ratio of coleslaw to chicken. The idea being that you take a piece of chicken and you dip it in your coleslaw. And to be fair the chicken to coleslaw ratio is about right. What the hell would you do with the other one. He may as well as offered me another straw to drink my Pepsi with. Perhaps he thought your coleslaw could double up as another use. Perhaps we could try it out as one of those exotic facemasks they now sell? If it can be used for that and if it does take off as the next big beauty product to hit Beverly Hills then remember where the idea came from. Your manager at Blackwood KFC. He really should be working at McDonalds – the f**king clown!

So its not that bad realy then? Is that what your trying to say

The definition of madness is doing something over and over again and expecting different results.

found it funny mind Berwyn

I'm staggered you've written such a lengthy post about a mistake in KFC.... Lets hope nobody gets you started on the rebrand

I'm staggered you've written such a lengthy post about a mistake in KFC.... Lets hope nobody gets you started on the rebrand

That be chicken feed to Berwyn Gav

I'm staggered you've written such a lengthy post about a mistake in KFC.... Lets hope nobody gets you started on the rebrand

That be chicken feed to Berwyn Gav

Berwyn it must be something about us photographers. Perhaps, because of the work we do, we are a little bit picky.

That said I share the grumbles with KFC - who quite frankly cant get an order right. I now purposely go to the KFC (in Wigan) where I know they have Polish staff who actually take time to make sure the customer leaves happy.

As for Maccy D's. It is a Drive Through and that is why I am not parking up. But the worst situation was when, at 10:24, they refused to serve me a breakfast saying all the grills were off. A big fuss followed and I promptly got out of my car - left it in the Drive through and went in the shop until they did serve me a breakfast!

The cars behind, in the queue, were not happy - but blame their manager

Love it berwyn

I'm staggered you've written such a lengthy post about a mistake in KFC.... Lets hope nobody gets you started on the rebrand

That be chicken feed to Berwyn Gav

It must be Marc! He deffo thinks the customer service is 'foul'

I'm staggered you've written such a lengthy post about a mistake in KFC.... Lets hope nobody gets you started on the rebrand

That be chicken feed to Berwyn Gav

It must be Marc! He deffo thinks the customer service is 'foul'

Just to get aBREAST of things here, whoever sticks their beak into this thread better be prepared to answer to the colonel

Nothing worse than getting beans when you asked for gravy Berwyn. I feel your pain, I really do.

Ahhhh, the biggest laugh I've had in a while!

Fookin pissin myself here

well. i have a big problem with macdonalds. my boy wants a childrens meal, plain cheese burger. but. do you think they can put a plain burger in a bun. no, honestly 9 times out of 10 he gets onions and gerkin, now i have to check every time.they just cant do it. IM NOT LOVING IT

I love KFC!!
I bought a popcorn chicken snack box yesterday (as us "yobs" do) and I know the girl who served me, cracking pair of tits And she gave me a free drink.

Shame I have a girlfriend, she wants the D

That will teach you for livin in Blackwood

Our KFC has just closed down, I was miserable but maybe now I will just count my blessings. God I will sleep better tonight knowing of the lucky escape I have just had in life.

I like await at night

I so want to go through there one night on a wind up just for the hell of it but my mrs won't let me. Women always have to take the fun out of things. My wind goes like this....

Go through the the drive through at KFC Blackwood and say to the tannoy thing "oh Butt, can I have like a beef burger like, no fcuking butter like?"

Then when he tells you they don't do beef because it's a KFC say... "ar, right en, ar, um. Hang on a minute Butt, looking like...., at the board like...."

Five minutes later..... "Tell you what then Butt, I'll just have a cheese burger with no fcuking butter like..."
...
"What you on about Butt, you don't do fcuking cheese either? Only fcuking chicken? What's that about then Butt? No fcuking beef and no fcuking cheese? I bet you've got a shed full of fcuking butter though haven't you?

"I'm not fussed on chicken like. Bag of fcuking popcorn it is then! And don't fcuk me about telling me you don't do popcorn because it's on the board, I seen it with my eyes like!... And make sure there's no fcuking chicken in it... Or fcuking butter!"

Do it, ignore the women, they are replaceable