Jokes Thread

How does a swansea mother know her daughter is having her period.

Her son's dick tastes funny.

This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

Anyone else notice that Maddie is an anagram of I'm dead?

Anyone else notice that Maddie is an anagram of I'm dead?

think thats ended that

Anyone else notice that Maddie is an anagram of I'm dead?

think thats ended that

Showstopper

Anyone else notice that Maddie is an anagram of I'm dead?

what more can you say

What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?

You can't gargle sand.

oh you sick fucker
always gota go one step furtherr

I feel sorry for the McCanns.

Maddie being The Stig was their last hope.

The wife has just come into the living room wearing see-through lingerie, and has told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me 'what she does best'.

I can't wait.

I love Shepherd's Pie.

Keep them coming Thomas

I recently surveyed a hundred women, to see which shampooing products they prefer when showering. 98% said: "How the f**k did you get in here?"