F**k Chuck Norris, Peter Whitts Facts

when the Bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Peter Whittingham
#PeterWhittsFacts

Another little known fact about Whitts:

He was in New York when the Twin Towers collapsed

He ran up and down 60 flights of stairs five or six times
carrying the injured to safety.

but he doesnt like to talk about it

Another little known fact about Whitts:

He was in New York when the Twin Towers collapsed

He ran up and down 60 flights of stairs five or six times
carrying the injured to safety.

but he doesnt like to talk about it

like that one

"when superman goes to bed, he wears Peter Whittingham Pyjamas

Another little known fact about Whitts:

He was in New York when the Twin Towers collapsed

He ran up and down 60 flights of stairs five or six times
carrying the injured to safety.

but he doesnt like to talk about it

like that one

"when superman goes to bed, he wears Peter Whittingham Pyjamas

There must be a few more floating around peoples heads on the forum!

Peter Whittingham once played 'who'll blink first' with a mirror... And won

He once entered a Peter Whittingham look a like competition and came third.

Peter Whittingham is so hard that even his nightmares
are afraid of him

Peter Whittingham can create a rock so heavy that he can't lift it. Then lift it

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Peter Whittingham stories.

01
Whitts' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02
Whitts counted to infinity - twice.
03
Whitts does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Whitts goes killing.
04
If you can see Whitts, he can see you. If you can't see Whitts you may be only seconds away from death.
05
Whitts sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled footballing ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Whitts roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play spot kicks every second Wednesday of the month.
06
When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Whitts.
07
Whitts built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Whitts met all three bullets with his left foot, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08
Whitts has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09
They once made a Whitts toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10
A defender once stepped on Whitts boot. Whitts replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Peter Whittington!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Whitts new shiny boots!

Peter whittingham can slam a revolving door.

Peter Whittingham once pissed against a truck on the way home from training, The truck is now known as Optimus Prime!

Duct tape uses Peter Whittingham to hold things together.

The Big Bang now believes in the Peter Whittingham Theory!

Peter Whittingham can break the bones of Ghosts

I made this a sticky because I KNOW this is going to be a massive thread and full of laughter! just what we need after such a crap atmosphere!!!

Peter whittingham can slam a revolving door.

Love that

Deaf people can hear Peter Whittingham

Peter Whittingham can Drown fish!

Peter Whittingham doesn't flush the toilet - He scares the Shit out of it!!!!

I named my child after Peter Whittingham.

















Admittedly, she did get some funny looks in school when they
called the register

Peter Whittingham can choke you to life

When Peter Whittingham jumps into the water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Peter Whittingham'd

Peter Whittingham's iPhone never needs charging

The dinosaurs only looked at Peter Whittingham wrong once.....

MORE AMAZING WHITTS FACTS............

Whitts is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fu##ing Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Whitts, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The chief export of Whitts is pain.

Whitts is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Whitts out. It failed misserably.

Whitts once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift free kick. In fact, there are none."

Whitts once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Whitts is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Whitts is a man of few words. Whitts is not a man of few free kicks to the goal.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Whitts nutsack.

When observing a Whitts free kick in slow motion, one finds that Whitts actually rapes the goalee in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks the opposing team and manager in the face.

Whitts put humpty dumpty back together again, only to free kick him in the face. Later Whitts dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a free kick to the face. There is only one King.

When Witts played golf for money, Whitts marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Whitts: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Whitts turned towards the man and said, im Peter Whitingham, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Whitts, Whitts roundhouse kicked him in the face anyway.

Whitts kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Whitts roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

China was once bordering the United States, until Whitts free kicked it all the way through the Earth.

If you have five dollars and Whitts has five dollars, Whitts has more money than you.

Whitts sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Whitts and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

Whitts once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Whitts once kicked a baby elephant into puberty.

Whitts once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Whitts. Whitts showed the bear his boot and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Whitts is late, time better slow the f**k down

Whitts sleeps with a night light. Not because Whitts is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Whitts

Whitts can touch MC Hammer.

Whitts ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Whitts always has sex on the first date. Always.

Whitts frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Whitts doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Whitts tells it to.

Whitts only masturbates to pictures of Peter whittingham.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Peter Whittington.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Peter Whittington.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Peter Whittingham, who gave them a free kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Peter Whittingham.

God offered Peter Whittingham the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength free kick ability.

Whitts drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Peter Whittinghams’ free kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Peter Whittingham.

Peter Whittingham owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

Peter Whittingham invented water.

Peter Whittingham invented a language that incorporates free kicks and crossess. So next time Peter whittingham is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Peter Whittingham is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Contrary to popular belief, Peter Whittingham, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windscreen.

Peter Whittingham does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Peter Whittingham can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his free kicks.

Peter Whittingham isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Peter Whittingham.

Peter Whittingham once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

Playgirl magazine once asked Peter to appear naked in an issue, Peter laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Peter Whittingham jumps out.

Peter can piss into gale force winds.

Peter once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 countries and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Peter Whittingham to die before they attack.

Peter Whittingham once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Peter Whittingham. It was more "humane".

Peter Whittingham doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Peter Whittingham doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Peter never gets ill.

AND THE BEST FACT ABOUT PETER WHITTINGHAM IS HE PLAYS FOR US

peter whitts can cut scissors with paper


peter whitts can infect a mac with a pc virus

peter whittingham can speak Braille

Peter Whittingham doesn't do press ups.

He pushes the Earth down.