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I knew it was a bad mistake giving Dai Hunt my phone number

"This is my upside down smile"

Where is my rubber tyre for the World Gurning Championships gone ?

DJ on Christmas Morning. This is the happiest moment of his life

Looks like I won't be getting sex again tonight!

I can't believe the kebab shop's shut early.

Oh well, back to England. Shit journey home I suppose.

"I think I have been rumbled...."

DONT LIKE TO ADMIT ANYTHING BUT LOOKS LIKE

ANNIS WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG IM NOT THE MAN I WAS IM JUST NOT RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB LOL

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People to blame:

players [X]
opposition [X]
Annis [X]

'ok what happened was the loch ness monster walked onto the pitch but only only I could see him! And he talked to me and said 'beware of manbearpig' so with that in mind I played a 442 and set out to deffend'

'sure it did dave, now I'm not calling you a liar but I'm from the echo'

'wut..'

Im the best. I know best. Im the best. I know best. Im the best. 20 grand a week says im the best. I know best. Im the best. Fans know f**k all. Im the best. Just another game loads left. Im the best. I know best. Swansea just another game not important. Im the best.

Is that all that prick riddler gave me on a plate....... a pathetic £800,000

'we won 3-0 this was a fantastic resulteveryone can be proud of themselves for the effort put in today and we will be promoted!!'

'uhh dave your the Cardiff city manager'

'the what now?'

'ok dave see those guys that lost?'

'uh huh'

'they were your players'

'oh...'

ITS NOT MY FAULT their useless, their useless all of them, this team are shite who brought this lot in ???

"that b*stard PR said that i was sorted for life with these mugs, feck it they have rumbled me"

VT to Dave: There is another formation other than 4 4 2. Any chance you could change this sometime?

SOD IT ! ' EVEN MY MATE CARL HAS GONE TO THE OTHER SIDE'

Why won't they give any money. I want new toys.

nobody like me

Can you believe that many fans and pundits think it's my fault, What do they know eh !

MAYBE I SHOULD LEARN WELSH

Annis Annis who the ***k is Annis?

WANTED - FOR CRIMES AGAINST FOOTBALL

the bin man didnt collect my rubbish, the milkman brought me semi skinned milk, i mean c'mon look at me do i look like someone who drinks semi-skinned milk! the mrs wasnt putting out, had to spend the night on the sofa, playing monopoly until the early hours with real money, could have sworn i was buying park lane but turned out it was someone called parkin, the cat sh1t in my shoes, the bus driver on the way to bristol was listening to a song over and over again "go, walk out the door, dont turn around now, coz your not welcome anymore", and then to top it all off we had to play another game of football, good job it was only bristol city, these games dont matter, couldnt fault hudson btw or naylor who i thought was man of the match today by the length of my horses knob, trust me its massive, well i can guarantee you they will be the first names on my teamsheet when weve got another game coming up, thank god its only leeds, on the up side though ive got a bit of cash on the go now, i wont tell you how much but what i will say is thats a hell of a lot of donkeys!

(sniiiiiiiifffff) Fuckin stinks in this part of the world. wait. which team are we again???

GOD I MISS YOU UNCLE PETE!!!!! NO CHANCE OF MY BIG FAT BONUS THIS SEASON OR A BETTER CONTRACT!!!!

Fecking dreaded the half time team talk! Bellamy's gonna give me a right old fecking rollocking!

Can't think where I have put Dean holdsworth telephone number. God I could do with some advice now