JOKE FRIDAY

"A Vodka Martini please mate," I said as I pushed my way in front of two massive women in the cocktail bar.

"That's very rude!" one of them said, "Just for that you can buy ours! That'll be two margaritas."

"And two cheese and tomato pizzas for these fat cunts please."

Did you hear about a man caught stealing from the garden section of B&Q recently? He took offence...

a man asked his wife how many men she`d slept with? ... she replied "i cant tell you, you`ll get nasty" .... he said "dont be silly i wont!" .... "ok" she said,and began to count, "well theres one, two, three, YOU, five, six .................. "