THURSDAY JOKE NIGHT

I found it really uncomfortable f*cking on a full stomach last night.


So I had to do the fat bitch doggy-style.

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story? A wet pussy makes a cock happy.

I've just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding and the sex is amazing, but it's also very challenging. It took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

Murphy asked Paddy "what ringtone have you got?"

Paddy said "I've never really looked, but probably light brown."

A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife. He starts sliding his hand slowly across her back, shoulders, then down her side just glancing her breasts, then carries on down her side and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down her inner thigh. He moves back towards the top and stops. His wife opens her eyes and gasps "why did you stop?" He says "found the remote. Back to sleep, fatty."

Fuckinghell, I bumped into this crossed eyed woman and she started shouting at me "you wanna look where your going" I replied "silly slut, you wanna go where your f*cking looking"

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's doorbell with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers and drags him inside. She lies back on the couch, pulls up her skirt, rips her knickers off and says "this is for the flowers."

"Don't be f***ing daft," says Paddy, "you must have a vase somewhere."

I went to the pub last night, there was this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked past and said "f***ing amazing legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile "do you really think so?"

I said "definitely, most tables would've collapsed by now."

At the traffic warden's funeral, as the coffin was being lowered into the ground, a voice from inside shouts "let me out, let me out, I'm not dead!"

The vicar replied, with a smile on his face "too late, pal, the paperwork's already been done."

Whats the differance between a chelsea fan and a trampoline? ... You take your shoes of when you jump up and down on a trampoline. Oh sorry.