liverpool jokes
Fri Feb 17, 2012 9:10 pm
Why do pigeons fly upside down in Liverpool?
Because there's nothing worth ****ting on.
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Benitez sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen who had gone to Newcastle.
One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on the field he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won.
Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".
"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time!"
With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, except I'm so sorry".
"Sorry!" exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in the first ****ing place!"
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A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?"
"Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!"
"Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?"
"No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a liverpool fan."
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liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car".
Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.
CCFC
Because there's nothing worth ****ting on.
-----------------------------
Benitez sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen who had gone to Newcastle.
One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on the field he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won.
Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".
"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time!"
With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, except I'm so sorry".
"Sorry!" exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in the first ****ing place!"
--------------------------------
A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?"
"Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!"
"Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?"
"No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a liverpool fan."
-----------------------------
liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car".
Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.
CCFC
Re: liverpool jokes
Fri Feb 17, 2012 9:16 pm
I'm sick and tired of getting text messages, telephone calls and e-mails about my dog after it savaged a Liverpool fan to death. For fack sake....IT'S NOT FOR SALE!!!!.