JOKES TO ALLEVIATE THE PRE-MATCH TENSION
Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:42 pm
Wife says to her husband, “If you’d start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you’d take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”
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What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fuckin’ bike, and wanted to go home!
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Guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The officer said the offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!”
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Got this text from my brother recently. It read, “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
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I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have run – but you just don’t get offers like that every day.
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Sorry for not calling you on New Year’s, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the f**k out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
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My wife just came in and said, “I’m so frazzled…I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re cumin’, you look like a fuckin’ Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I’d come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
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The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys’ only trip away, do you think about me?” Apparently, “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.
He replies, “If you’d take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”
____________________________________________________
What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fuckin’ bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________
Guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The officer said the offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!”
____________________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently. It read, “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
____________________________________________________
I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have run – but you just don’t get offers like that every day.
____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Year’s, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the f**k out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, “I’m so frazzled…I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re cumin’, you look like a fuckin’ Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I’d come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
____________________________________________________
The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys’ only trip away, do you think about me?” Apparently, “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.
Re: JOKES TO ALLEVIATE THE PRE-MATCH TENSION
Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:23 pm
...Nice one mate 
Re: JOKES TO ALLEVIATE THE PRE-MATCH TENSION
Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:24 pm
Some good ones
back to the tension now
back to the tension now