Couple of jokes for you....

I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.
He hypnotized 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone and yelled "f**k me"......
What happened next will haunt me forever.




I asked the missus for oral relief last night. She asked "Do you want me to suck you off"? I said "No, just shut the f**k up"!!!!



Man in Bar orders Champagne.
Lady next to him says "What a Coincidence. I've ordered Champagne too!"
"I'm celebrating"
"Me too what a coincidence!" "What are you celebrating?"
"Hubby & I have tried for years for a baby. Today I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence. I'm a Farmer. For years my Hens were infertile.Today all laid Eggs!"
"Wow ! How did that happen?"
"I used a different Cock."
The lady smiled, clinked her glass and said "What a coincidence!!!!!!