A VERY LOUD!!!

FAT GREASY unattractive woman walks into Asda with her two kids. Shouting & swearing at them as they walk through, the asda greeter said pleasantly "good morning madam nice children you have there, are they twins???"
The fat ugly woman replies "do they f*cking look like twins 1 is 7 the others f*cking 10 are you blind, thick or f*cking stupid!!!!" " i am neither" replied the greeter i just could'nt believe you've been SHAGGED twice now have a good day & thanks for shopping at asda........

I went to see a psychic last weekend and was told i would be coming into money. Then last night i shagged a girl called "Penny".....f*cking spooky or what.

Bloke comes back from the Amazon jungle with a cock sucking frog and gives it to his wife. What am i supposed to do with this she says. He says, teach it to cook then f**k off.