TODAYS JOKE THREAD
Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:36 am
West Ham!!! 
Nah.....
I pulled a bird in a club last night and we went back to hers.
She woke up and said, "I don't remember walking home last night."
I said, "You got a piggy back."
"Is that how I got home?" she giggled.
"No, we got a cab" I said. "I was just commenting
on your fat, hairy back!!!"
Nah.....
I pulled a bird in a club last night and we went back to hers.
She woke up and said, "I don't remember walking home last night."
I said, "You got a piggy back."
"Is that how I got home?" she giggled.
"No, we got a cab" I said. "I was just commenting
on your fat, hairy back!!!"
Re: TODAYS JOKE THREAD
Tue Oct 18, 2011 12:14 pm
Now thats class 
Re: TODAYS JOKE THREAD
Tue Oct 18, 2011 12:42 pm
This is a long one but bear with it. It's worth the read 
One day little Johnny was on his way to school when all of a sudden a little old gypsy lady jumps out of a bush. "Johnny, you must take this box and guard it with your life, never separate with it and never look inside; this you must promise!" Johnny looked confused but being the good little boy that he is, agrees to this and the little old lady disappears.
Later that day Johnny was sat in class working hard when the teacher walks past his desk and asks him, "Johnny, what is in that box on your desk?" "Well," replies little Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lady jumped out of a bush and gave me this box. She said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life, could you look inside for me?" "Of course I can Johnny" replied the teacher. The teacher looked inside the box and almost immediately slams it shut again. "Johnny I have never been so outraged! Go and see the head teacher at once!" Shocked, Johnny takes his box and scurries to the head office.
The Head Teacher arrives and sees Johnny. "What are you doing here Johnny? You're usually such a good little boy". "Well.." starts Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lady jumped out of a bush and gave me this box but said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher could look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me here. Could you look inside it for me please?" "Of course I can Johnny" replies the Head. The Head Teacher opens the box and without a moments hesitation slams it shut roaring at Johnny "Go home immediately! You are expelled!" Johnny runs home almost in tears.
When he gets home his mother is preparing dinner. "What are you doing home so early Johnny?" She asks. "Well.." starts Johnny, "I was on mu way to school when a little old gypsy lady jumped out of a bus and gave me this box but she said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher would look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me to the head, then he looked inside, shouted at me and expelled me from the school. Could you look inside for me please?" "Of course Johnny, calm down" she replied. Johnny's mother looked inside the box, screamed, and slammed it shut again. "Johnny get out of my home and never come back, I disown you!" Johnny, in a full flood of tears, now runs outside and away down the street.
Johnny is now sat on the curb in tears without a clue what to do when along walks PC Plod. "Johnny, whatever is the matter?" He asks, concerned. "Well..." starts Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lad jumped out of a bush and gave me this box but she said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher would look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me to the head, then he looked inside and shouted at me and expelled me from the school. I went home and asked my mother and she disowned me. Please could you tell me what is in the box sir?" "Of course Johnny, I will sort you out don't worry." He replied. The policeman looked inside the box and slammed it shut straight away. "You're coming with me sonny, you're nicked!" Johnny's face faded to white.
While sat in his cell still with the box, Johnny's cell mate pipes up. "So, what you in for?" "Well..." starts Johnny, "Well..." starts Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lad jumped out of a bush and gave me this box but she said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher would look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me to the head, then he looked inside and shouted at me and expelled me from the school. I went home and asked my mother and she disowned me. The policeman came along and he arrested me when he saw it. I don't understand, I just really want to know what is in the box, could you tell me?" "Yeah, all right" replied the prisoner. He opened the box, stared at it for a little while and closed it very gently. "Oh, I see." says the prisoner, "Johnny, you really want to know what is in this don't you?" "YEAH!" shouted Johnny. "Well," said the prisoner, "Me and the boys are planning a breakout tonight and we need an extra pair of hands. You help us break out and I will tell you when we're free."
That night they break out, run for miles across fields with sirens blaring from behind them when they eventually reach the jurisdiction border. "Right Johnny, we just need to cross this road and we're home free." The man steps into the road when WHAM! A huge lorry smashes into him on the road.
Moral of the story? Always look left AND right before crossing the road.
One day little Johnny was on his way to school when all of a sudden a little old gypsy lady jumps out of a bush. "Johnny, you must take this box and guard it with your life, never separate with it and never look inside; this you must promise!" Johnny looked confused but being the good little boy that he is, agrees to this and the little old lady disappears.
Later that day Johnny was sat in class working hard when the teacher walks past his desk and asks him, "Johnny, what is in that box on your desk?" "Well," replies little Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lady jumped out of a bush and gave me this box. She said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life, could you look inside for me?" "Of course I can Johnny" replied the teacher. The teacher looked inside the box and almost immediately slams it shut again. "Johnny I have never been so outraged! Go and see the head teacher at once!" Shocked, Johnny takes his box and scurries to the head office.
The Head Teacher arrives and sees Johnny. "What are you doing here Johnny? You're usually such a good little boy". "Well.." starts Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lady jumped out of a bush and gave me this box but said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher could look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me here. Could you look inside it for me please?" "Of course I can Johnny" replies the Head. The Head Teacher opens the box and without a moments hesitation slams it shut roaring at Johnny "Go home immediately! You are expelled!" Johnny runs home almost in tears.
When he gets home his mother is preparing dinner. "What are you doing home so early Johnny?" She asks. "Well.." starts Johnny, "I was on mu way to school when a little old gypsy lady jumped out of a bus and gave me this box but she said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher would look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me to the head, then he looked inside, shouted at me and expelled me from the school. Could you look inside for me please?" "Of course Johnny, calm down" she replied. Johnny's mother looked inside the box, screamed, and slammed it shut again. "Johnny get out of my home and never come back, I disown you!" Johnny, in a full flood of tears, now runs outside and away down the street.
Johnny is now sat on the curb in tears without a clue what to do when along walks PC Plod. "Johnny, whatever is the matter?" He asks, concerned. "Well..." starts Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lad jumped out of a bush and gave me this box but she said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher would look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me to the head, then he looked inside and shouted at me and expelled me from the school. I went home and asked my mother and she disowned me. Please could you tell me what is in the box sir?" "Of course Johnny, I will sort you out don't worry." He replied. The policeman looked inside the box and slammed it shut straight away. "You're coming with me sonny, you're nicked!" Johnny's face faded to white.
While sat in his cell still with the box, Johnny's cell mate pipes up. "So, what you in for?" "Well..." starts Johnny, "Well..." starts Johnny, "I was on my way to school when a little old gypsy lad jumped out of a bush and gave me this box but she said never to look inside it and to guard it with my life. I asked if the teacher would look inside for me but she went crazy and sent me to the head, then he looked inside and shouted at me and expelled me from the school. I went home and asked my mother and she disowned me. The policeman came along and he arrested me when he saw it. I don't understand, I just really want to know what is in the box, could you tell me?" "Yeah, all right" replied the prisoner. He opened the box, stared at it for a little while and closed it very gently. "Oh, I see." says the prisoner, "Johnny, you really want to know what is in this don't you?" "YEAH!" shouted Johnny. "Well," said the prisoner, "Me and the boys are planning a breakout tonight and we need an extra pair of hands. You help us break out and I will tell you when we're free."
That night they break out, run for miles across fields with sirens blaring from behind them when they eventually reach the jurisdiction border. "Right Johnny, we just need to cross this road and we're home free." The man steps into the road when WHAM! A huge lorry smashes into him on the road.
Moral of the story? Always look left AND right before crossing the road.
Re: TODAYS JOKE THREAD
Tue Oct 18, 2011 2:31 pm
taffyapple wrote:West Ham!!!
Nah.....
I pulled a bird in a club last night and we went back to hers.
She woke up and said, "I don't remember walking home last night."
I said, "You got a piggy back."
"Is that how I got home?" she giggled.
"No, we got a cab" I said. "I was just commenting
on your fat, hairy back!!!"
Taffy, think you set the bar too high on that one mate ,thats up with Sam Salim that one.