A FEW JOKES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

"Chinese," I replied.

The Discovery Channel are to start filming a new reality TV show, in which 4 groups of men trawl around Africa having sex with as many women as possible whilst trying not to pick up any nasty diseases.

Extreme Deadliest Catch starts next spring.

My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

"Chinese," I replied.

....be carful now, or you'll be branded a racist ....keep them coming.

What's with this vajazzle stuff? In my day a c**t covered in jewellery was called Mr T.

I walked out of a club with a girl last night.

She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my cock and said, "Yours or mine?"

I said, "That's mine."

Two dyslexics were out walking when one said to the other,
"Can you smell that?" His friend replied, "I can't even smell my own name"

What did the letter O say to Q?

Fella , your dick is hanging out

The missus came home steaming drunk last night.
"You up for some role play action, babe?" she asked with a wink.
"Not really," I replied.
"Oh, come on," she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...

As I shouted, "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."

A bloke went to the doctors complaining of hearing strange voices coming from his pants.
The doc said 'ignore them, theyre talking bollocks'

BBC SPORT: Swansea interested in Belgian defender Mark de Man.

Apparently, they are also interested in his compatriots, striker Skor de Gaulle and goalkeeper Bloek de Schott.

Paddy and murphy on scaffolding,paddy bends down to pick up a tool when a lump of wood slams in to his head and takes is ear off,
murphy runs over and says f**k me pad,is that your ear on the floor,
paddy looks and says no mate,I had a pencil behind mine

How do you get 20 asylum seekers in to tyre?
Tell them its a flat.

‎2 drunks go visiting a brothel.When they get there the madam says to her manager,put blow up dolls in their rooms they are too drunk too notice.On the way back home later,the guys are talking.The one guy says "i think the one i went with was half dead,she didnt move or make any noise",the other guy says, "well i think mine was a witch",whys that says his mate,he replied with "well i bit her on her ass,she farted then flew out of the window"

I think CCFCGRANGEND has just come across sickipedia

I think CCFCGRANGEND has just come across sickipedia

my boy is always on that site reading out some great ones. but i don't think some from here would appreciate my sense of humour with some of them.

lol class enjoyed them boys

Dustman knocks on Japanese blokes door one morning. The Jap says "harro wot you wann?" Dustman says "where's ya bin?" "I bin on loo" says Jap."No mate where's ya dustbin?"..."I dustbin on loo" says Jap."No no mate stop fuckin me about, where's ya wheelie bin?"." Hokay" says Jap, "I wheelie bin having a wank!"