Really shit jokes thread.

Following on from Saturday on the bus


What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Wheres my tractor?

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

fair play thats shit

both of them

There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "It sure is hot in here".
The other muffin says, "Yeah like 350, 375".

Paddy and murphy are scuba diving
Paddy said to Murphy
why do we dive off the boat backwards
paddy replied
ahhh ya silly fucker!!! if we dive forwards we'll still be in the f*cking boat

Young Irish girl goes on the phone to her mother in a panic...
"Mother mother oi tink me waters have broken"
Her mother said..
"Jesus, where are you ringing from".....
(Daughter) Me minge to me f*cking ankles"!!!!

A man walks into a Library and asks for a book on suicide.

The Librarian says: "Do you have a library card?"

The man says no, and leaves.

How many fish can you get in a pair of tights?

2 soles

2 eels

and

a wet place

What's big, grey and can't climb trees?
A carpark.

A man walks into a Library and asks for a book on suicide.

The Librarian says: "Do you have a library card?"

The man says no, and leaves.

They had quite a few copies, but nobody ever brought em back

A man walks into a Library and asks for a book on suicide.

The Librarian says: "Do you have a library card?"

The man says no, and leaves.

Tickled me that did

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident.

Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!

What's the mating call of the black bird?


Stick it in me arse Leroy

What's the mating call of the black bird?


Stick it in me arse Leroy

What's the mating call of the black bird?


Stick it in me arse Leroy

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

Oh look. Here come the elephants!

My mum asked for a surprise for Mothers Day.

Can't wait to see the look on her face when we pull up at the old peoples home.

Two fat blokes sitting in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says, "So are you, you fat b*stard!"

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

Why did Sally fall of the swing ?? She had no arms.
Why didn't she get back up ?? She had no legs.
Why didn't anyone help her ?? She had no friends.
What did she get for christams ?? Aids.

Why did the chicken cross the road..to get to the other side

i win