JOKE THREAD

Paddy told his wife that he kept getting a burning sensation in his anus and that he didn't know what it was. She said 'Ring Sting'. Paddy said, 'how the f**k would he know?!'

Paddy told his wife that he kept getting a burning sensation in his anus and that he didn't know what it was. She said 'Ring Sting'. Paddy said, 'how the f**k would he know?!'

My wife and her friend were having coffee and said to me: men are rubbish at multitasking. I replied: oh yeah? Well when I was f*cking you last night I was thinking about your friend.

My wife and her friend were having coffee and said to me: men are rubbish at multitasking. I replied: oh yeah? Well when I was f*cking you last night I was thinking about your friend.

Thats got me in stitches.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my sexual obsession with Tinkerbell.
I said, "Fairy muff".

I saw a porcupine and a beaver arguing.
The beaver totally backed down and then ran away.

Spineless c**t.

One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest when she sees a wolf sitting under a tree with his ears erect and his mouth stretched in a big toothy grin.

She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf just grins and looks a bit wild about the eyes.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grins a bit wider and looks slightly harassed.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
"Look" says the wolf looking her in the eye, "f**k off! I'm trying to take a shit!"

A teacher says to her class "Does anyone know what a period is?"

Little Jimmy says "I'm not sure but I know that when you miss one, Mum is angry, my sister cries and my dad shoots the guy who lives next door."

4 blokes in a prison cell. A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac & a gay. The zoophile says "if there was a cat here i'd f**k it till it passed out". The sadist nods & says "once you're done with it i'd torture it to death". The necrophiliac sighs "Oh yeah & once it was dead i'd f**k it till i passed out". The gay bloke sitting in the corner very softly says "meow"

4 blokes in a prison cell. A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac & a gay. The zoophile says "if there was a cat here i'd f**k it till it passed out". The sadist nods & says "once you're done with it i'd torture it to death". The necrophiliac sighs "Oh yeah & once it was dead i'd f**k it till i passed out". The gay bloke sitting in the corner very softly says "meow"

During the riots this week in London the local boots the chemist was looted they took everything off the shelves except for 1 block where the fake tan was displayed.

The first conviction has been made of a thug who ransacked DFS. He was given a hefty fine but nothing to pay until 2012 then 4 years interest free credit.