Saturday joke thread.

A West Ham supporter walks past a shop window and notices a video for sale entitled "West Ham - The Golden Years"
The supporter asks the shopkeeper "How much for the video mate ?"

The shopkeeper replies "£200."
"£200 for a video ?" says the fan, 'You're having a laugh.'
"Oh no" the shopkeeper replies "The video's only a fiver, but the Betamax player will cost you £195"

I know it's old but so am I.

Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. Don't worry, I only received super fish oil injuries.

The wife came out of the bathroom after her shower,stark naked and walked into the bedroom.She said to me "Babe shut the curtains,i don't want the neighbours to see me naked."
"Don't worry,"I replied, "If the neighbours see you naked,they'll shut their own fookin curtains!"

Leeds United.

started my new job as a bus driver today but it didnt go to well
this stunning blonde with huge firm tits got on and said " are u going to oldham? "
she didnt have to ask me twice........
oh well back to the job centre tomorrow

I was driving home from work and I sent a text to my wife saying "be home in 5." She then replied saying "I'm naked in the bedroom, come put me in my rightful place." So I went home, went upstairs and carried her back to the kitchen.

Dear Deirdre, I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I knocked one out, I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded, watching me. Is she a pervert?

I was watching TV last night and an advert came on featuring an African baby all covered in flies. I phoned the number on the screen straight away to get one. Looks like it works far better than those sticky strips that I usually hang from the ceiling.

As a floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, I have sent last year's Christmas tree. It is also 5ft 6, dead and surrounded by needles.

Sir Richard Branson has approached Swansea City with an offer of sponsorship for the Premier League season. Brendan Rogers issued a statement saying "we can't see the justification of having Virgin on our shirts when we are going to get fcuked every week."

Dear Deirdre, I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I knocked one out, I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded, watching me. Is she a pervert?

The wife and I had been thinking that it was about time that we told our teenage son that he was adopted. We sat him down and I said, "Son, there is something that your mother and I want to say and I want you to know this is the hardest thing we've ever had to do."He said, "I know what you're going to say... It's true, I'm gay."I said, "Well, thanks for making what I'm about to do a f*cking pleasure."