joke time

A cardiff city fan wrote to the Jeremy Kyle show; Dear Jeremy Kyle I am 15 and pregnant and my parents don't know. They havnt met my boyfriend. He is bisexual and HIV positive & he has tourettes. He is married & 20 years older than me. He deals drugs and carries a gun. He lives in a squat and is just out of jail & he likes animal porn... My problem is, how do I tell my parents that he is a swansea City fan?

Just caught my mate fisting my menstrating wife... I caught him red handed!

Me and my wife were driving down the road when we saw a fit blonde jogging by.

"That's what I should be doing", I said.

"What, jogging?" she replied.

"No, her."

There's a Japanese man, a British man and an Autralian man in a sauna. They hear a ringing, the Japanese guy says "I have a mobile phone the size of an ant. Excuse me, I must talk to my friend". The two men are left in the sauna. They hear another ringing. The British man says "Excuse me, I must talk to my brother, I have a mobile phone the size of a pea in my ear". The Austrailian guy is left on his own. Then the other two guys come back in. The Austrailian guy is so jealous of the other countries' inventions so he gets up and goes to the toilet and comes back with a piece of toilet roll hanging from his bum and he says "Would you look at that, I'm getting a fax!"