The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 6:58 pm
“Ding Ding”, “Ding Ding”, the alarm was ringing the day had started it was 06:10 ccfcchris had set his alarm for 06:30 but I didn’t want to leave it to him, set the snooze for 10 minutes and went back under the cover.
Ding Ding”, “Ding Ding”, it went again, time to get up seeing as the last 10 minutes dragged by with me practically watching every minute of the clock so may as well have got up.
Into the kitchen to make tea and put our brekkie on. Bathroom for the ablutions then into the living room to wake up Chris.
What a tit I was I didn’t put the bow in the fridge to cool down, had to think of something.
Breakfast was a bacon and egg bap washed down with a steaming cup of tea. Once out of the way it was operation get ready.
Me into the shower first then into the bedroom to get ready, then Chris, we were ready by 07:30 so decided to go to the local spar to get a paper, and a brain wave bag of ice
Done the checks, wallet yes, phone yes, camera yes. Move out it was like a military movement
The local spar was out of ice, bugger warm bow, yuck
Heading back to the pickup point fatty Harper passed going in the wrong direction, couldn’t work out why when he was supposed to be heading the same place as us.
We parked the car in the usual place and walked up the road, I hate that hill when the cans are full, when you get to the top its an achievement.
Other city lads were around walking from here and there, most I knew I spoke to with a smile. A text from Mr. Curtis was to tell me the bus was running late, just as well seeing as fatty Harper had been seen going in the wrong direction.
A quick head count told me he was the only one missing, with minutes to spare here he comes from under the bridge shadows, carrying his cool box, fat b*stard went back coz he forgot his sarnies.
We stood and chatted awaiting the bus, I had one question fired at me (from Harper) is there a bog on this bus nips? Yes Neil don’t panic.
There was this thunderous raw and over the hill it came,
Chapman's, bus, the only 757 in operation without wings “The Skylark”
(for those of you who are unfamiliar with this but it has a 5 seating row with just enough room between the block of 3 and block of 2 seats to pass wind) designed I think as back up for the Calcutta express not for the average valleys lad.
My face dropped, I turned to Harper and said “scratch that last comment, panic” and others behind were heard to moan oh no not that bus.
Looking at the driver seeing he was one of the regulars I was glad I didn’t waste my time doing my crayon drawing of the route home for the undertaker (said in a low voice)
Getting on the bus Mr. Curtis could obviously see our dismay greeting us with why all the long face. b*stard, also explaining to people the large bin at the back of the bus was the toilet as they walked past.
Carl pointed out that this wreck (sorry bus) had been given to use at short notice due to the one we were supposed to have breaking down the night before. TOSH, more like they didn’t want us to have it after it fell apart coming back from millwall
After wedging myself into a seat I started to think about all the things I hated about this bus, like no room, seatbelt buckle sticks up your arse, the windows are full of condensation so you cant see out, no toilet (obviously) no curtains, no air blowers, heater stuck on, no air con, by this time we were on the a4070 heading for Gabalfa I turned to Harper to find the fat b*stard had 3 seats for him and his lunchbox, sorry cooler box.
I looked in disbelief as he grinned back at me, then said “WHAT”?
We were on manor way by now and horse with no name shouted down to have the music turned up, the drivers mate did, but all that happened was it got louder down the front (right in the front in fact, right by the driver, well for the boys in the back to hear it, there was no way the driver could have fallen asleep)
I'm now thinking to myself, this bus nearly broke me, going the jacksville, am I read to do 4 ½ hrs on it ???
if I made my mind up quick enough I could get off at Gabalfa and be back home in ½ hr thinking this was a promotion game not any old game I was heading too I gritted my teeth breathed in, clenched my buttocks and wedged myself into my seat. Yelping as I once again sat on the seat belt buckle.
We done most of the usual stops with the last one done we were on our way by this time I had prized myself back out of the man huggers and was standing up, something I did for most of the trip up., moved to the front after a complaint from Carl that I had been slow with the camera, pointing out some had been taken I positioned myself at the front read for the compulsory who’s on the bus mug shot photo run.
By this time with no blowers no air con and heaters pumping out warm air it was a blessing to stand down the front by the driver, with his open window.
Who already seemed to have the best seat in the house and hadn’t even paid for the bloody thing.
The photo run was held up for a while with spar (CCMB poster) declaring his disgust for smoking and pissing being allowed,
he was offered one of the luxury seats down the front (luxury in the way they had fresh air and music, but still too thin for the average catwalk model). But chose the option I was considering earlier,
we were pulling off the M4 at this point onto the A449 under Celtic manor, this is where we parted company with spar giving him some advice on how to get home then pulling off.
The photo shot went ahead with the usual ones ducking every time the camera pointed in there direction, with excuses like banning orders, im on the sick or the wife thinks im in work. For God sake man up.
The A449 through to the M5 were uneventful apart from the odd few passing out with heat stroke. Being revived with a dunking of the head, into the piss bin. (only joking about the last bit, it wasn’t half full by then)
Once on the M5 we played around with a few levers and switches and cooled the heater down and made the blowers work (f*cking whoopee) fly’s fart faster. Came a shout from the middle of the bus, and they were right.
The M5/M6 started to blur as the bow took effect I had to numb my arse it was killing, the bow was working by brain had stopped and I had a tingly feeling in my fingers (or was I having a heat stroke)
On the M5 We were challenged from the middle lane by what some bright spark said was a Southampton supporters bus, some banter took place with the ayatollah and waves and shaking of cans, until someone worked out Southampton were at home Derrrrrrrrrrrr. Looking at the fixture list on someone posh phone we worked it out to be Exeter, the tooing and froing of the lead ensued for what seemed like an eternity, with us even doing the rowing joke. It seemed then that they got bored with us and hit turbo leaving the wingless wonder sucking in their exhaust fumes, within minutes they were out of sight.
A shout went up for a toilet break and stop, thank god a chance to breath fresh air I was starting to go purple. Carl chose this chance to clean the wingless wonder of drink asking all to remove but 1 drink as it wont be long before the meeting point, Fatty Harper handed me his box, saying be carful of the handle, well I managed to hold it underneath going down the bus, I had too, it was at shoulder height, the gap between the seats was to narrow, realizing I was not going to hold it up there to get off the bus I lowered it down as I approached the steps using the handle, TOO f*cking LATE fatty's sarnies, chocolate and my bow went flying. Some cans leaking at the seams some trying to get away under the bus, I scraped up harpers sarnies and brushed the road dust off, giving them a little buff on my shoulder making sure there was no debris left on them, banging them back in his Tupperware box and loading back up the cooler box, then crawling up to my rapidly bloating ankles under the front of the bus to rescue the remaining can.
These 15 minutes was like heaven the air was English, but like nectar.
The shout went out “all aboard the skylark, all aboard” it came much too soon, much too soon the smarter of the air starved passengers staying outside grabbing the very last gasp of fresh air before the driver re-boarded
We were informed the next part of our trip was a short jaunt a mere 20-40 minutes to the drink zone, thank god for that,
A call to bakedalaska told me he was already at the drinking point and gave me directions, off at 31a turn first left, turn left at the lights. I passed the instructions on to Carl and the driver. Guess what ? yep we still got it wrong, going around the roundabout twice I I think the driver was teasing us blue in the gill passengers,
Our destination was a premier inn, while getting off I noticed there was a low police presence, which was good last thing you want is jobsworth plod, the first interaction with them was a nice smile from the sergeant and a WPC letting us know where things were and telling us to have a good time, HAPPY DAYS
A few apple juices (to numb the thought of getting back onto the bus) later and the plod are being very friendly I get one bunch to even to the ayatollah for us, and the sergeant has now been reduced to my best mate SARG, and the WPC was now Sarah who, I must admit I had a soft spot for, apart from a few photos of the lads with their flags and some silly ones of the skylark passengers sitting on a toilet that had been placed in the foyer (not sure if they were trying to say something Carl ?)
My time was spent with the, getting prettier by the minute Sarah, who happened to be welsh. Unfortunately it all had to come to an end, SARG came over asking us to get the victims (sorry passengers) back on the skylark for the final stint, a kiss off Sarah sealed my doom it was time to suck in big, and get on the bloody contraption and head for deepdale, the air was getting thinner on the bus as we made the approach in mingled with sweat, stale fag, alcohol fumes and urine fumes. I got off the bus cross eyed, made my way into the ground positioned my flag took a well earnt breath and some photos then dropped the camera, end of photo diary. the match you can read about from bakedalaska, the trip home was a mixed bag of excitement, disappointment, anxiety and exhaustion mixed in with trip to subway,by wigan pier (don't ask) good area mind who ever found it, Chinese, Indian, chip shop, subway and a spar. I tried the old theory eyes closed breath less, this was thwarted by Mr. Curtis ramming a full open Heineken bottle into my mouth and trying to drown me, when we stopped again for a piss break coz by now the bin was slopping about that very same culprit along with 3 others (including the not so light milly thinking I was a bouncy castle while I took a moment to stretch out on the floor and admire the blue skies turning cloudy (thinking is that an omen ?) diving on top of me causing a little gas to slip out. so the final part of the journey was one of eye open watch them bastards mixed with pass out n dont give a f**k, I have this thought come to mind, was I tired or was it the lack of oxygen in the skylark that made me feel that way.
anyway back into Wales and the drop offs start, soon our turn, by 10:30 it was time to say farewell to the skylark, well for this season anyway. a stroll down the hill with fatty Harper and Chris to end a nice day out
Photo evidence of the day
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/? ... 4fed9f7fe6
Ding Ding”, “Ding Ding”, it went again, time to get up seeing as the last 10 minutes dragged by with me practically watching every minute of the clock so may as well have got up.
Into the kitchen to make tea and put our brekkie on. Bathroom for the ablutions then into the living room to wake up Chris.
What a tit I was I didn’t put the bow in the fridge to cool down, had to think of something.
Breakfast was a bacon and egg bap washed down with a steaming cup of tea. Once out of the way it was operation get ready.
Me into the shower first then into the bedroom to get ready, then Chris, we were ready by 07:30 so decided to go to the local spar to get a paper, and a brain wave bag of ice
Done the checks, wallet yes, phone yes, camera yes. Move out it was like a military movement
The local spar was out of ice, bugger warm bow, yuck
Heading back to the pickup point fatty Harper passed going in the wrong direction, couldn’t work out why when he was supposed to be heading the same place as us.
We parked the car in the usual place and walked up the road, I hate that hill when the cans are full, when you get to the top its an achievement.
Other city lads were around walking from here and there, most I knew I spoke to with a smile. A text from Mr. Curtis was to tell me the bus was running late, just as well seeing as fatty Harper had been seen going in the wrong direction.
A quick head count told me he was the only one missing, with minutes to spare here he comes from under the bridge shadows, carrying his cool box, fat b*stard went back coz he forgot his sarnies.
We stood and chatted awaiting the bus, I had one question fired at me (from Harper) is there a bog on this bus nips? Yes Neil don’t panic.
There was this thunderous raw and over the hill it came,
Chapman's, bus, the only 757 in operation without wings “The Skylark”
(for those of you who are unfamiliar with this but it has a 5 seating row with just enough room between the block of 3 and block of 2 seats to pass wind) designed I think as back up for the Calcutta express not for the average valleys lad.
My face dropped, I turned to Harper and said “scratch that last comment, panic” and others behind were heard to moan oh no not that bus.
Looking at the driver seeing he was one of the regulars I was glad I didn’t waste my time doing my crayon drawing of the route home for the undertaker (said in a low voice)
Getting on the bus Mr. Curtis could obviously see our dismay greeting us with why all the long face. b*stard, also explaining to people the large bin at the back of the bus was the toilet as they walked past.
Carl pointed out that this wreck (sorry bus) had been given to use at short notice due to the one we were supposed to have breaking down the night before. TOSH, more like they didn’t want us to have it after it fell apart coming back from millwall
After wedging myself into a seat I started to think about all the things I hated about this bus, like no room, seatbelt buckle sticks up your arse, the windows are full of condensation so you cant see out, no toilet (obviously) no curtains, no air blowers, heater stuck on, no air con, by this time we were on the a4070 heading for Gabalfa I turned to Harper to find the fat b*stard had 3 seats for him and his lunchbox, sorry cooler box.
I looked in disbelief as he grinned back at me, then said “WHAT”?
We were on manor way by now and horse with no name shouted down to have the music turned up, the drivers mate did, but all that happened was it got louder down the front (right in the front in fact, right by the driver, well for the boys in the back to hear it, there was no way the driver could have fallen asleep)
I'm now thinking to myself, this bus nearly broke me, going the jacksville, am I read to do 4 ½ hrs on it ???
if I made my mind up quick enough I could get off at Gabalfa and be back home in ½ hr thinking this was a promotion game not any old game I was heading too I gritted my teeth breathed in, clenched my buttocks and wedged myself into my seat. Yelping as I once again sat on the seat belt buckle.
We done most of the usual stops with the last one done we were on our way by this time I had prized myself back out of the man huggers and was standing up, something I did for most of the trip up., moved to the front after a complaint from Carl that I had been slow with the camera, pointing out some had been taken I positioned myself at the front read for the compulsory who’s on the bus mug shot photo run.
By this time with no blowers no air con and heaters pumping out warm air it was a blessing to stand down the front by the driver, with his open window.
Who already seemed to have the best seat in the house and hadn’t even paid for the bloody thing.
The photo run was held up for a while with spar (CCMB poster) declaring his disgust for smoking and pissing being allowed,
he was offered one of the luxury seats down the front (luxury in the way they had fresh air and music, but still too thin for the average catwalk model). But chose the option I was considering earlier,
we were pulling off the M4 at this point onto the A449 under Celtic manor, this is where we parted company with spar giving him some advice on how to get home then pulling off.
The photo shot went ahead with the usual ones ducking every time the camera pointed in there direction, with excuses like banning orders, im on the sick or the wife thinks im in work. For God sake man up.
The A449 through to the M5 were uneventful apart from the odd few passing out with heat stroke. Being revived with a dunking of the head, into the piss bin. (only joking about the last bit, it wasn’t half full by then)
Once on the M5 we played around with a few levers and switches and cooled the heater down and made the blowers work (f*cking whoopee) fly’s fart faster. Came a shout from the middle of the bus, and they were right.
The M5/M6 started to blur as the bow took effect I had to numb my arse it was killing, the bow was working by brain had stopped and I had a tingly feeling in my fingers (or was I having a heat stroke)
On the M5 We were challenged from the middle lane by what some bright spark said was a Southampton supporters bus, some banter took place with the ayatollah and waves and shaking of cans, until someone worked out Southampton were at home Derrrrrrrrrrrr. Looking at the fixture list on someone posh phone we worked it out to be Exeter, the tooing and froing of the lead ensued for what seemed like an eternity, with us even doing the rowing joke. It seemed then that they got bored with us and hit turbo leaving the wingless wonder sucking in their exhaust fumes, within minutes they were out of sight.
A shout went up for a toilet break and stop, thank god a chance to breath fresh air I was starting to go purple. Carl chose this chance to clean the wingless wonder of drink asking all to remove but 1 drink as it wont be long before the meeting point, Fatty Harper handed me his box, saying be carful of the handle, well I managed to hold it underneath going down the bus, I had too, it was at shoulder height, the gap between the seats was to narrow, realizing I was not going to hold it up there to get off the bus I lowered it down as I approached the steps using the handle, TOO f*cking LATE fatty's sarnies, chocolate and my bow went flying. Some cans leaking at the seams some trying to get away under the bus, I scraped up harpers sarnies and brushed the road dust off, giving them a little buff on my shoulder making sure there was no debris left on them, banging them back in his Tupperware box and loading back up the cooler box, then crawling up to my rapidly bloating ankles under the front of the bus to rescue the remaining can.
These 15 minutes was like heaven the air was English, but like nectar.
The shout went out “all aboard the skylark, all aboard” it came much too soon, much too soon the smarter of the air starved passengers staying outside grabbing the very last gasp of fresh air before the driver re-boarded
We were informed the next part of our trip was a short jaunt a mere 20-40 minutes to the drink zone, thank god for that,
A call to bakedalaska told me he was already at the drinking point and gave me directions, off at 31a turn first left, turn left at the lights. I passed the instructions on to Carl and the driver. Guess what ? yep we still got it wrong, going around the roundabout twice I I think the driver was teasing us blue in the gill passengers,
Our destination was a premier inn, while getting off I noticed there was a low police presence, which was good last thing you want is jobsworth plod, the first interaction with them was a nice smile from the sergeant and a WPC letting us know where things were and telling us to have a good time, HAPPY DAYS
A few apple juices (to numb the thought of getting back onto the bus) later and the plod are being very friendly I get one bunch to even to the ayatollah for us, and the sergeant has now been reduced to my best mate SARG, and the WPC was now Sarah who, I must admit I had a soft spot for, apart from a few photos of the lads with their flags and some silly ones of the skylark passengers sitting on a toilet that had been placed in the foyer (not sure if they were trying to say something Carl ?)
My time was spent with the, getting prettier by the minute Sarah, who happened to be welsh. Unfortunately it all had to come to an end, SARG came over asking us to get the victims (sorry passengers) back on the skylark for the final stint, a kiss off Sarah sealed my doom it was time to suck in big, and get on the bloody contraption and head for deepdale, the air was getting thinner on the bus as we made the approach in mingled with sweat, stale fag, alcohol fumes and urine fumes. I got off the bus cross eyed, made my way into the ground positioned my flag took a well earnt breath and some photos then dropped the camera, end of photo diary. the match you can read about from bakedalaska, the trip home was a mixed bag of excitement, disappointment, anxiety and exhaustion mixed in with trip to subway,by wigan pier (don't ask) good area mind who ever found it, Chinese, Indian, chip shop, subway and a spar. I tried the old theory eyes closed breath less, this was thwarted by Mr. Curtis ramming a full open Heineken bottle into my mouth and trying to drown me, when we stopped again for a piss break coz by now the bin was slopping about that very same culprit along with 3 others (including the not so light milly thinking I was a bouncy castle while I took a moment to stretch out on the floor and admire the blue skies turning cloudy (thinking is that an omen ?) diving on top of me causing a little gas to slip out. so the final part of the journey was one of eye open watch them bastards mixed with pass out n dont give a f**k, I have this thought come to mind, was I tired or was it the lack of oxygen in the skylark that made me feel that way.
anyway back into Wales and the drop offs start, soon our turn, by 10:30 it was time to say farewell to the skylark, well for this season anyway. a stroll down the hill with fatty Harper and Chris to end a nice day out
Photo evidence of the day
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/? ... 4fed9f7fe6
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:09 pm
Excellent report Nips (or is it Kodak?) 
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:14 pm
well that summed it up really apart from kodak sicking the camera you know where
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:20 pm
tylerdurdenisabluebird wrote:Excellent report Nips (or is it Kodak?)
i think i may have to ask a mod to edit my profile name adam and add AKA Kodak
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:24 pm
The Premier 1 wrote:tylerdurdenisabluebird wrote:Excellent report Nips (or is it Kodak?)
i think i may have to ask a mod to edit my profile name adam and add AKA Kodak
Do it mate!
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:46 pm
Hilarious Mate 
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:26 pm
dropebluebird wrote:well that summed it up really apart from kodak sicking the camera you know where
SIDEWAYS
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:30 pm
Bit disappointed you didnt think I was important enough to get a mention 
especially as when Carl tried to drown you, you spat most of the lager on me
especially as when Carl tried to drown you, you spat most of the lager on me
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:33 pm
sorry hanna i was trying to protect the innocent
what am i on about
i seen your picture of me chilling out
right looks like an edit coming up
what am i on about
i seen your picture of me chilling out
right looks like an edit coming up
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:38 pm
Cracking report mate. It really was a great trip as usual. Took me the majority of the way to Preston to liven up as I was still suffering the previous day's drinking, the thought of another drinking session made me feel ill.
Great pub stop outside Preston and the police were great fun, credit to them.
I will upload a couple of pictures of you tomorrow Nips, Carl had you a feckin beauty
Great pub stop outside Preston and the police were great fun, credit to them.
I will upload a couple of pictures of you tomorrow Nips, Carl had you a feckin beauty
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:55 pm
chris_ccfc wrote:Cracking report mate. It really was a great trip as usual. Took me the majority of the way to Preston to liven up as I was still suffering the previous day's drinking, the thought of another drinking session made me feel ill.
Great pub stop outside Preston and the police were great fun, credit to them.
I will upload a couple of pictures of you tomorrow Nips, Carl had you a feckin beauty
just remember what photos you use mate :0
i have some tasty ones of you from saturday night remember
hahahaha
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 9:04 pm
The Premier 1 wrote:chris_ccfc wrote:Cracking report mate. It really was a great trip as usual. Took me the majority of the way to Preston to liven up as I was still suffering the previous day's drinking, the thought of another drinking session made me feel ill.
Great pub stop outside Preston and the police were great fun, credit to them.
I will upload a couple of pictures of you tomorrow Nips, Carl had you a feckin beauty
just remember what photos you use mate :0
i have some tasty ones of you from saturday night remember
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Tue Apr 26, 2011 11:17 pm
Cracking report fair play ill take credit for the farting flea remark (the blowers) bloody useless they were haha
ill take credit for the farting flea remark (the blowers) bloody useless they were haha
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Wed Apr 27, 2011 9:03 am
Best trip this year, in my opinion Burnley's going to be mental, cant wait
Burnley's going to be mental, cant wait
Re: The alternate report of preston v cardiff
Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:52 am
sorry blue i thought it was horse